Your Self-Talk Is Ruining Your Health with Pat Smith - 126

Abracadabra. Most people think of that as something to do with a magic wand, but the original meaning points to something much deeper. I create as I speak, and that's what we're going to talk about today on Driven for Health. I'm joined by Pat Smith. Pat works with driven men who look successful on the outside yet feel maxed out on the inside.
His work focuses on mindset, language, nervous system regulation, and stories that men repeat themselves without even realizing it. And that's something that I see in my everyday life working with guys, too. And this is important because men's health is the words that you use, the what you look at in the mirror, these all shape the decisions that you make every single day.
it stress changes your food, your activity, if you stay up late and binge eating, whatever. These are things that are actual real challenges. So, today we're going to talk about language capacity, some emotional regulation, and making small shifts, the words that you use, and to make you actually make better choices and live a better life.
And we we're going to do a fun little experience here as well. So Pat, welcome to Driven for Health. What's one big takeaway you want the guys to have here from our conversation? >> Yeah, thanks a ton for having me. Biggest takeaway is I want you to think about your life. Our [clears throat] lives are stories. Stories are made up of words.
If we want our life to change, we want our story to change, it's up to us to change our words because our words create our mindset and our mindset is involved in every single thing that we do. So we can work on that. Just by osmosis, everything becomes better. >> Yes. Abracadabra. We speak and it become correct. >> I even have a guy, a real quick example of this is this guy's been in the cultterized program.
It's my 100 day fat loss challenge. Joe is his name. He's doing really well. He's down 20 some pounds. Still got a little bit more time to go, but he's going away to Tennessee for the Fourth of July thing. And he's really concerned, as most people are. When I travel, I gain weight. That's the story that ends up going on with a lot of people, right? And because their choices, they just break down.
They get into a different atmosphere, different environment, and all of a sudden what they weren't doing at home on a normal day-to-day routine is completely upended. Then they get into this real life situation that happens quite regularly throughout your life that you go places and do things with people around food and try and have fun and all, but then they come back with five extra pounds on their belly and they didn't need to because food doesn't need or eating overeing doesn't have to be in the equation to have fun. we have
relationship and entertainment and all these things especially around the fourth that we want to acknowledge and have a good time and so that this is going to be really cool. He actually came into the program because of the podcast so he's going to listen to this and be like he's calling me out. >> Yeah.
Yeah. It's a healthy call out though which is >> Yeah. Let's go back to some of your beginnings and and what even got you interested in mindset and and health and taking care of yourself? Yeah, I mean we can go back a few decades when it comes to just health in general. I grew up in northwest Indiana, Elcart, Indiana, smaller town.
When I was like 10 or 12, my dad always used to take me with him to the gym >> for the longest time. I would just go shoot hoops at shoot shoot shoot shoot shoot shoot shoot shoot shoot shoot shoot shoot shoot shoot shoot shoot shoot shoot shoot shoot shoot shoot shoot shoot shoot shoot shoot shoot shoot shoot shoot shoot shoot shoot shoot shoot shoot shoot shoot shoot shoot h h h h h h h h h h h h h h h h h h h h h h h h h h h h h h h h h h h h h h h hoops in the in the gym.
But I would always see the guys who I felt like I for better for lack of better word terms looked up to. They were strong. They looked like they were masculine and they were always in the weight room. >> How could I get in there? And so sure enough, they allowed for kids under that weren't 18 to go in there with the chaperone as long as your parents were in the weight room, but you had to have this little yellow laminate card that said you went through with one of the trainers and you went through all the machines and you learned how to do the
machines and you got a little clipboard that was basically just a Excel sheet printed out for sets and reps and weight and you could put the date in every machine. >> No free weights, no barbells, only the machines for safety reasons, of course. And that in itself was that was one of the staples and I've carried that all the way until multiple decades later here >> where physical health has always been just part of it.
And of course I played sports as well. So I think just the the discipline and just understanding what it's like to just go in and you know there's delayed gratification that comes with it. >> Yes. >> So that's part of it of course. Flash forward to about 2016 is when I hit uh you know what I would say more of a rock bottom after a family tragedy and as a result I realized that physical health because of what had happened and and how I was beginning to feel.
Physical health was just one piece of the puzzle. >> There was also my mental and emotional health that I had been bypassing with drugs and alcohol for nearly a decade before that. >> Yeah. And unfortunately, real quick on that is our society is set up for addiction >> for real because of marketing, capitalism, this this device thing that we hold in our hand.
It's a it's it's an addictive >> drug in a sense. So, it's very easy to check out and not be >> say self-responsible to taking care of yourself or the way you think especially. you just do with whatever shows up in front of you next on the screen. I mean, like, why wouldn't you? >> I mean, I've talked with my coach and even therapists and all these things before.
And if I think back to the actions that I used to take when I was from 14 to 24, it was everything that I saw or heard. >> Rap music, rap videos on TRL. I mean, you name it, right? >> TV, Total Request Live, drugs, money, you know what the other word is afterwards, right? So it's like but those were all just escaping for me to be able to feel what I what what I felt.
And so when I hit rock bottom and was dealing with this strategy grief loss I didn't know how to deal with pain. I had escaped it. I went to do the things that I normally did but I realized at some point that is I was always looking for an external solution for really a true internal struggle.
It was like you know band-aid on a bullet hole type situation. It worked for a little bit but then it the band-aid came off and I had to put another band-aid on. that is only sustainable for so long. So 2016 I I got to that point and I realized, okay, what would it take? What how do I get over some of this pain, this anxiety, the things that I was dealing with, and I stumbled across meditation, >> not knowing anything about it, thinking it's woowoo.
But you know what? I would go to the gym every morning. >> It's more than just woo. Okay, just gonna throw that out there. Meditation can be very powerful and it has a lot of different forms, which >> Pat's gonna jump into. >> Yeah. I mean, lots of science behind it, but at the time, >> I just knew it was a space for me to slow down and actually be able to sit with myself instead of escape.
>> So, I would remember I'm starting with two minutes. I would go to I would go to the gym early in the morning and when I leave, I'd sit in the sauna for 2 minutes and put a guided meditation on. That was 2 minutes. I mean, felt like an eternity. Over time, that grew. All that to be said, that was like the really initial start of my true personal growth journey as an as an adult.
And this was around I think I was 23 or 24 at the time. And then of course I I started to develop more interest in doing that and then I realized similar to what you shared how challenged society was with a lot of these things and one of the things that I had passion around was nutrition. So I got into the nutrition coaching side of things.
Um that was around 2018 and I did that till about 2020 to 2021. But the pattern I noticed the most was that nutrition stuff. Yes, like I said, it is it is wildly important, but it's just one piece to the puzzle, right? >> But underneath >> another bucket, >> underneath the nutrition, the sleep, the physical health, the how you showed up at work, how you showed up in your relationship, all had to do with the conditioning and the patterns that you brought in that you developed from most likely decades worth of unconscious stuff that you were doing. Um, which is
really what led me into the mindset and understanding that if and when individuals, specifically men that I work with are able to understand those patterns, understand their conditioning, re rewire that to a degree, they literally set themselves up for a brand new trajectory and it no longer is a ceiling.
Uh, it's really like possibilities are endless at that point. So that long and there's some other you know key points of of course in that journey but that was those are just some of the key moments where you know really got me interested >> right >> and then really expanded beyond that you know through my corporate world you know like working in the corporate world and whatnot >> right right and let's we're obviously talking about mindset the your choices we're going to talk about language today so guys buckle up it's coming but
[clears throat] >> knowing verse doing that's a there's big problem, right? I think you and I are both are facilitators of getting people past knowing or being aware on some level, whether they're barely aware to they're a lot aware, problem aware to actually doing something about it. And for you, >> how does mindset, habits, and all these things we're talking about get us moving from knowing what to do, but actually doing it? >> Well, let's just think about what the data and the stats show.
It says 95% of who we are and how we operate is based our subconscious mind. It's it's just like you just do it automatically. So we have to work to build our mindset which our mindset is the stories I tell ourselves that derive you know build our reticular activating system. We want to we want to have confirmation bias of what we know to do we're going to keep doing.
And then you have 5% of your conscious mind. Think of the willpower. Okay, willpower will get you here. But think of an army of five going ar going against an army of 95. Willpower will only get you so far. But when life starts lifing and you know what hits the fan, >> then guess what? You're going to revert back to what your defaults are.
And if your defaults are and your mindset is I I'm going to gain weight when I'm on Fourth of July, then guess what you're going to do? you're going to do that verse. There's a possibility I can gain weight on fourth try, but there's also options for me to maintain my weight. Now, I don't have to lose weight, but the fact when I can have that really drilled in and truly believe it from a subconscious level from my my mindset and the stories that I've told myself, doesn't matter what goes on outside of there. If it's a perfect setting and
environment, great. It makes it that much easier when it's challenging, but I still revert back to what is my truth. It's still you're still doing it no matter what. It's not and that's where I see so many talk a lot of people and they're like, "Well, I know I know I just need to slow down or I just should just meditate more.
" But the reason they do not is because they've told themselves along the way for some reason meditation doesn't work for me or that's woowoo or, you know, it doesn't it takes too long or whatever their story is. And every time they do that, they block themselves from being able to do what they know they could be doing. Right. >> And you know, you could put it >> like with eating >> nutrition. Yeah.
>> Yeah. >> Everybody Everybody knows not to eat McDonald's seven days a week, >> but it's more convenient than cooking. So then they are blocked that they can actually make food at home, >> actually be more convenient, >> cost less, and be obviously more impactful on positive health. >> But because they're blocked and McDonald's is everywhere, then it's you go to the golden arches.
So that's where the reverse engineering comes in is we can give all people all the empowerment and all the hurrah that we want but the truth is until the subconscious program those things underlying you know it's our mindset the stories we've told ourselves time over time that have become beliefs and patterns until those change it makes it very difficult for people to actually make true sustainable change.
Not just hey I went on a yo-yo diet for 3 weeks and now I'm back to eating what I used to be. It's no, I'm actually living a lifestyle that would require you to truly change. And so that's that's why I feel mindset is if is the most important, if not the important piece to any true transformation, physical health, how you show up at work, how you show up in your relationship, any of those components, because it it is truly driving everything you do when you're not thinking about it.
>> Yeah. Uh very much so. And how do you guys you actually get your guys >> to start to think differently with language, with words and all? Even the the abracadabra you brought that up in our call just before we we got on here and I was like, "Yeah, we're definitely going to leverage that word because it's fun and it's different and >> Sure.
" >> And yeah, it's big. It's powerful. >> Yeah. I I think the first thing is um you know and this goes through some of the training that I've had and we think about different processing speeds and when we and we've all been there, me too. I've been there before. When we're thinking about something and then overthinking about it, I'm it's going a million miles an hour and there's no end in sight.
It can go on forever because it's all up here. >> When I start to talk with Brian about it, I naturally I have to slow it down in order for me to articulate the words. So that's great. And that's what a lot of talk therapy is. Okay, great. I can get it out, which is still which is still great because up here, we know it can be a it can be a real mad house up there sometimes.
>> Swirling around >> and and and I always say just cuz I coach on this things doesn't mean that I don't also be feel challenged to this. Guilty. I just >> guilty here too. >> Yeah. And but we're all working on it. We're all on our own. So there's we're human. Exactly. >> So that's you know, you got the first level of processing and thinking about it. second level verbalizing it.
But the third thing to really really get someone to slow down and this is the same with a lot of the things is to get into the body. And how would we do that? >> Write it down, right? And so when I keep, you know, just like the gentleman who said, you know, we'll use it Joe for example. Joe, we're not picking on you.
You're just a really great example right now. >> And that is >> if I go on, >> thanks for listening and Joe, too. >> Yeah. If I go on Fourth of July vacation, he writes that down. if I go on Fourth of July vacation, I will gain weight. >> Right. >> Right. So, read that back. And when someone says that and reads that back, automatically there's going to be an emotional state as a result of that, it's >> I'm guessing for someone who consciously wants to lose weight to read that it's a little diminishing.
And >> right real quick, we're on video too here, but if you didn't see video, he shrunk. He dropped when he said that. And that's exactly the way you feel. So the way you think and the words you use and the body language that you have, this all ties into a lot of subconscious activity that's happening that is sharing to the universe what it's really like going on into your head.
So, I just wanted to throw that out because I I saw it and and obviously Pat's >> highly skilled at this, but he was even embodying that type of feeling >> and he and he shrunk and and that's something that is is just notice and it does happen. >> Yeah. And then that then that plays role that plays out because if that's the body language or that's the emotional state that I feel, I'm already depleted like ah who cares what I even do on Fourth of July weekend? It's going to happen. and it's inevitable.
Then I go there, it happens. I prove to myself that same thing. Then I come back Monday morning and I'm upset >> and now I've and and your body wants to be right. It loves that feeling. But also it's so often we choose the what we consider the familiar hell over the unfamiliar heaven. And so it's oh well I was right.
I told yes good but now I'm still upset about it. And so there it becomes challenging and that's the cycle that goes on. So if we can learn that is, you know, when you write down those patterns, we we can actually see it from like an observer standpoint. Oh my gosh, I I keep saying these things and the more I say them, the more I burn them into my brain to look out for more opportunities to reaffirm that through the reticular activating system.
And now that becomes my reality, becomes who I am. And so when we can get guys to slow down and just write some of these things that they're shared out, it's it's the same thing. You can go in and anybody could do this. I'm not sure if we're getting to that point here yet, but you know, this could be a simple exercise, >> but >> but you know, we're writing things down and that allows at least for people to process it in a way that is different than just thinking about it because the thinking part is just a mental exercise,
but it's not actually doing anything about it. So when we think about from knowing, yeah, I know I shouldn't shouldn't pay attention or I shouldn't do that to doing and I actually take some action toward it, it starts to get the mind and the body in motion, which is where we really want to get into because when those two things are in unison, we are very powerful in that way, >> right? Very much.
Now, you obviously know and work with a lot of the type of guy who listens in to the show >> and I'm curious if you can call them out right now. What are some of the words that they might use on a regular basis that >> that is causing them to stay trapped in these behavior patterns and and and the the body, the energy, the the job, the relationship, the self-loathing that they see in the mirror every morning when they wake up.
>> Yeah. So, there's there's going to be four main components around the language patterns. And and again, we just gave an example with Joe. one is what we would say language that is either going to tear you down or build you up. So conflict or architect language conflict conflicting architect okay this is empowering this is allowing for me to explore new possibilities but the four main categories first one are negations soft talk dramatics and projection so negations ah can't do that don't won't those are the words every time I tell
myself I can't seem to start eating >> there's a big button there somewhere right >> yeah can't my mind focuses on. Oh yeah, Pat says he can't. And then sure enough, he goes to the snack cupboard at 10 10 p.m. at night. And then I reaffirm it and now that becomes who I am. Can't. Negations.
Can't, don't, won't, shouldn't. Those are ones. Soft talk. This is one of the easiest to spot and it's a lot has a lot to do with individuals conviction and confidence and their demeanor to actually change, right? You know, hey Brian, how you doing today? Good. What's your plans for the week? You know, I might try and go get to the get a get a workout or two in sometime this week.
>> Now, imagine if you went up to a you know, let's say we're you're in dating and you're going to go up to someone, ask them for a date. Hey, I was kind of thinking that someday we should go out and uh try and get a drink or something sometime. What do you think? >> It's like I don't know where the question is, but you move those languages.
>> Was that a question? Did you ask something? I'm not sure. You're just kind of rambling there. That soft talk creates so much ambiguity and it also gives ourselves an internal out, >> right? >> Well, if I say I try, I'm going to try and go do it, but then I don't do it, then it's no big deal because I said I would try.
>> Well, when the conflict goes because it's it's still right. Oh, I was right. I I I said I would try, but I didn't get to it. No problem. But no, I'm going to go to the gym today at 3 p.m. before I go pick up my kids from school. And then I don't do it right. That can be more reinforcing.
But that conviction language is huge. So you have the negations, you have the soft talk, which is the try, kind of, should, hopefully, potentially, I'll think about it, guess, maybe. All those words that are just filler words because there's uncertainty for you to be able to follow through, >> right? Then we think about one of the other ones, I don't know which order I had them, but the other ones would be dramatics or just absolutes, right? I'll never be able to do blank.
this always happens to me. And right away, just by doing that, we limit ourselves to that's the only thing that's possible, right? I'll never be able to lose all this weight. Well, the Henry Ford quote, whether you say you can or whether you say you can't, both are right. So, if I'll never be able to do this, you're right.
But when I change that per change those word patterns, it's not that I'll never be able to do it. There's a possibility I can do this. If you just read those out loud of I'll never be able to lose the weight versus there's a possibility to lose the weight, tonality changes, body language changes, emotional state changes, that is what allows for us to feel more comfortable to take those next steps.
So the dramatics and or absolutes, you know, the nevers, the always, the everyone, everything, every time. >> Really? >> Every time, right? >> Every time that happens. Yeah. >> Can you show me all in history that that's happened every single time? And again, it's not being rude to anyone in that way.
It's just getting them to see it from a different perspective, right? Change the mindset, right? >> And then the last one is projections. >> Man, I'm really trying to eat better, but yeah, my wife keeps making making me all this food and she keeps, you know, making me fat because I'm eating all this food. >> Yeah. >> She keeps making you eat all the food or you keep making you.
So, the she, the he, the they, the them, the it. Anytime we're pointing outward projections, we're living in a victim mentality. We have choice all day long. Whether we want to get whether we want to believe it or not, you know, I had a I had a group last week. We were doing an in-person training at a company and they said, "No, I don't have any choice.
My boss everything they say I have to do said you have to do >> who got up and drove you to work today." Well, I have to do it for my family. >> Okay, but that's still a choice. >> Blatantly, you know, there's always a choice. Not to say one is better or worse for the other, but again it's it's that same point when we use he, she, they, them.
Ah, she made me feel this way. >> Did she? Or you allowed for her to make you feel that way. But it's all ownership. It's all confidence. It's all allowing for you to feel strong in who you are. And so when I switch it out with she made me feel this way with I made me feel this way. A lot of times it's it's in someone's face and it can just feel uncomfortable and confronting.
But the truth is, oh wow, I have ownership and agency to determine how I think and feel despite what's going on in my external world. Now the the analogy I like to often use is I am no longer giving life the strings to play me like a puppet. And now I'm back to playing the puppet, right? Because when I say, you know, if we let everything external to us dictate how we think and feel, we might as well give over the reigns to our entire life.
And no wonder people live on an emotional roller coaster, >> right? And so that's those are the patterns, right? You have the soft talk, the negations, the dramatics, and the uh the projections. And when those start to just get switched out just as lowhanging fruit that we do every single day, and Brian, what I tell so many people is a lot of the work that I share, it's free.
It cost you nothing. All it cost you is a little bit more time. And I I even argue that because you're already talking all day. You're emailing, you're texting, you just have to switch out one word and notice how it changes. And if you did that, just like reps in the gym, as we know, you don't go and hit bench and get jacked all in one day, >> right? >> Over time, you do the little things, the little little mental reps, if you will, it will start to change.
And I it's neuroplasticity. It's training the reticular activating system to train the brain on in the way it sees things, the way that you see yourself, the way you hear yourself, the way you carry yourself. And that shows up in how you get to the gym, in how you show up with your significant others or your family, at your job, and so much more.
And so, you know, those are just four components that are just lowhanging fruit that if and when you actually get brutally honest with yourself and notice them and then change them, you will start to be you will start to see changes of course with consist of course patience just like anything when transformation comes to >> right patience.
And that's something that we are constantly being trained against now >> with life moving so fast and instant reply. And you even brought it earlier up in the beginning was delay gratification. That is patience. That is >> doing the work now to foster the results later. And that's what we were human race was.
You planted a seed now that would grow into a plant that you could eat later. And that's just how we have lived. But with convenience and >> all this technology, >> it's we're wildly different. >> That's true. Absolutely. >> Real quick on that, I'm just curious and then we'll get we then we'll move into the actual language >> Yeah. >> experiment that that we wanted to do together.
But uh how are you seeing technology play into guys and their thought patterns or these these four different buckets that they end up >> different not the best pattern of behavior or language or words? >> Well, there's there's a couple things. First and foremost, you have social media. So, let's just call that one out. I I believe that that actually >> it makes it more challenging for people because they see other people there and then they reaffirm again.
I'll never get to that point and they see all these people that are there, but what they don't see from that screen and I I shared this post the other day, yesterday actually. >> I shared a post, one of my first Instagram posts, how cringe as they say it was. But guess what? But what they see now, what I what where I'm at today, same with you, Ryan, was an accumulation of time, energy, effort over years.
>> Yep. >> And so it gets misconstrued and right away I continue to build a case for why I'll never get to be that way because Brian's already here and here I am way over here. But the truth is Brian used to be over there. >> Yeah. >> It just took him time. Yeah. Same. >> Nobody was on social media at one point in their life.
>> Right. Right. And so, and so I think that's one thing that's definitely challenging. The other is, you know, I've heard a couple people where, oh, I go into I go into call, you know, talk to chat GPT as my coach. >> Okay. >> Oh, yeah. >> Understandable. However, >> chat GPT cannot feel the emotion that you feel when I come into a call and I can notice when my client is extremely tense.
And if they're extremely tense, then guess what ends up happening? they're not going to be receptive to the information that I'm sharing or being willing to change. So, I can I can be that person to downregulate them and then be able to have a conducive situation. But so many guys leaning to so leaning to technology, which again to me is just another form of active avoidance because they're not really facing it.
They're just looking for a quick fix, which again it's the band-aid situation. >> It's a quick fix. It's basically you're looking for an external solution or a quick fix to something that's been going on for a really long time, right? It's kind of like someone who gained weight and is 600 pounds overweight. It doesn't happen overnight and it's not going to happen with a magic pill.
And if it does, the likelihood of them going back is high because they didn't actually learn the underlying foundation or change anything true from the underneath the surface. episode 121 of the podcast I did the GOP ones, >> the good, the bad, the ugly, and there are some bad and ugly stories and stats of people >> almost guaranteed that they would be gaining the weight back.
And it almost defaults back to any other diet type situation where >> they didn't change the behaviors or the language or how they see themselves, their identity as a person, and it reverted back to their older selves. Maybe not immediately, but over time and with say GOP ones or the bill or whatever any of this, it's it's still too new.
We >> let's play this out five years and we'll start seeing the >> ramifications of what a GOP one and introduced into someone's life did to them. Hopefully for the better. And it it it was the necessary, you know, kick in the butt that helped get them past that sticking point and moving. But so yeah, that that is something there >> that the GLP1s are new.
But what I'll tell you what hasn't been new and that has shown that same similar statistics on being able to get something then revert right back. Think about the lottery. Think about the professional sports players that weren't emotionally or mentally ready for the amount of money they were going to get and they got it and now they went right back or worse. Same thing with the lottery.
People win a bunch of money, you're like, "Oh, they're set for life, guy." >> Yeah, they should be. >> No. two two weeks later, but but because they weren't there, they didn't they weren't there to meet what was actually going on externally, they can't hold that capacity. They didn't see themselves as that person.
They even unbeknownst to them, they blew all that money just to feel like they wanted to be poor again. Like, and I'm not that's a very extreme example. And but that is what ends up happening. You don't know any different, >> right? >> And I think that can happen in any realm, in any sort of transformation. And that's why to me when we can actually work from a a deeper level, just a few extra layers underneath the surface, that's when the true transformation happens.
Otherwise, we do end up going back and reverting back. And I've been there before, so I know what that's like as well. >> Me, too. >> Yeah. >> So, let's let's give the guys >> sure >> an exercise. Now, Pat's going to lead us through something that you should push pause and and be able to write. So, what what do we need for this? Give them the the a quick overview of what we're going to do so that they can prepare.
And this is cool because >> sometimes this has been a lot of information, but you were like, "Yeah, let's do an actual implementation strategy on I was like, "Yes, let's do that." So, be ready to push pause and push play again. >> Yeah. So, one of the things I love doing is playing mindset games. And you know, I did this at an actual event that we were at a couple weeks ago as a wellness event.
And I said, "How do I how do I get people to experience this?" And and really it is getting people to experience it. It's one thing to hear on a podcast. Great. But we want implementation. >> Like you're not going to read the nutrition plan but not eat any of the food, right? That's not that's not the point.
So, all you need is either pen or paper, uh your phone if you want to use the notes app, whether you got Droid, iPhone, whatever it is, or a Google doc or wherever you can write something down. >> Right? >> So, that's all you need. It's going to be very simple. We're going to just go through three different stages, if you will, of this mindset game.
And the first one is, and and this is for you to be as brutally honest with yourself about something you may be challenged with. Because to the degree you're willing to be vulnerable with yourself is the to the degree that you will grow. And so I want you just to write down after I share with you this. You're going to write down the whole sentence stem plus your part portion, but you're going to want to start it with I have a problem with.
So you're going to write that full full segment. I have a problem with and then you're going to fill in the blank. Whatever you're challenged with, right? No judgment here. We all have challenges. We all have struggles. Cool. Write that one down. So, you're going to write that full sentence down. I have a problem with blank.
You fill in the blank. Personalize to your situation. So, as Brian said, you can pause this to catch up. Um, and you can use this as more of an exercise and activity. Once you've written that down, then I'll encourage you to read that out loud. So, if someone filled in and said, "I have a problem with being able to lose these last 20 pounds that I've been trying to lose for 20 years," or whatever the case is, right? I have a problem with not gaining weight when I leave my house for Fourth of July party.
Joe, >> exactly. So, you you share that, right? I have a pro I have that problem. Then, I want you to read it out loud and I want you just to sit with it for a moment. >> I I'll share mine. I'll do this, too. >> Yeah. >> So, I have a problem with keeping up with the demands of life. I say this and and have thought it and share with close friends.
I even shared it on the podcast. think episode 59. >> I had another coach coach me and an executive coach. He's really good. But Brian can't keep up with Brian. >> So Brian is this identity, he's a he's a mover, a shaker. He does lots of things. He does them very well. That's the identity piece that I have for myself. So I have a strong identity around that.
I'm competent and I have energy and all that stuff, but the real life responsibilities that weigh on me from being a husband, being a father of four, having four cats and a dog, thank you. COVID emotional support pets, >> keeping up with the bills, keeping up with all the things, the demand, the business, and and then even myself, myself ends up falling to the wayside in a sense.
Now, I still do the the things I need to do. I eat good. I I I do all that stuff that ends up just that's by default. I have I don't have problems with that. But some of the other challenges of of actual life of of business and stuff, those are ends up being some of the the things that I definitely am struggling to keep up with. >> Yeah. No, thanks for sharing that.
Well, let's let's do this and let's play full out. Let's uh >> Yeah. >> I'm going to have you re restate that for a moment. just like you shared it. And if you have a chance to write down, even better, but you don't have to. >> But I want you just kind of write that down, right? I have a problem with keeping up with life's demands.
>> And once you do that, once it's written, I I'd encourage you just to read just that statement. That's all I need from you. And and listeners at home, that's that's kind of your next step as well. >> Yeah. Yeah. Read it out. So, I have a problem with keeping up with the demands of life. >> Yeah.
And and if you were to name the first emotion that comes up as you read that out loud, what would that be? Frustration. >> Frustration. All right. Thanks. Appreciate everybody pod by for being vulnerable. Thank you for this. >> That's the same question that you're going to want to ask yourself after you've read it. Okay. What is the emotion that I'm feeling? Okay.
And there's no right, wrong, indifferent. Now, I want you to take that that same sentence and I want you to write it but with one change in there and that is I have an opportunity with blank and then fill in what you already wrote as the blank. So, it's you're basically rechanging and re situating this. And once you're done, then you're going to read that one fully out loud, just the sentence.
>> I have an opportunity with keeping up with the demands of life. >> Nice. And what's the first energy or or vibration or emotion that you feel reading that one out loud? >> The first word that came to mind is relief. >> Relief. Interesting. Okay. Sweet. And so, listeners at home, same thing. You're going to write that out.
I have a problem or sorry, I have an opportunity with same thing you wrote above asking yourself what is the first emotion that comes up. Okay, we're going to take it one step further and I want you to put in the word golden in front of opportunity. I have a golden opportunity with blank. Listeners at home, same thing.
I have a golden opportunity with blank whatever that original statement was. And when you have that written down, read that one. Yeah. I have a golden opportunity with keeping up with the demands of life. >> And how's that one? >> I feel a lot more confident and energized like, okay, yeah, there are opportunities for me to be able to manage all the things, all the plates that I'm spinning.
>> Yeah. And so, one, thanks for playing out. This is if anything this is going to be super useful for the user or the listeners to hear this because what what we just realized is by just changing two three words went from frustration to relieved to confident. >> Yeah. >> Okay. Okay. So, when we think about wanting to make any true change in our life, any any health change or anything like that, if I'm coming at it already frustrated, what's the likelihood of me actually wanting to go to the gym? >> Yeah, you can't find those opportunities
in your head. It's always say doom and gloom or glass half full. And you may you may willpower your way through that some of that frustration, but at the end of the day, if the frustration never changed and then life gets in the way, if I'm feeling frustrated about it, I'm I'm most likely not going to follow through.
If I feel a little relieved, ah, you could even notice in Brian's tonality and change, there was a little bit more optimism and also curiosity of, okay, there are opportunities. What would that be like? And that is the other thing that I really want to share is and this happens a lot with um you know in my work with Jod Despensza is in my time working as a corporate trainer with Jod Spenza we talk about the different brain wave states that we're in.
>> Okay, frustration is just a emotion derived from the hormone of stress. >> So frustration, anger, guilt, sadness, hopelessness, resentment, all of those are just emotions under the umbrella of stress. And when I feel stress all the time, right, we're we're inevitably we're going to feel stress, but living in stress is something different.
The heart, right, our heart rhythm mirrors what goes on in the brain and vice versa. So as I feel feel frustrated, I send my mind into what's considered high beta brain wave patterns. And in high beta brain waves, I can't comprehend any new information to come in. I'm living in fight or flight, which if you're running around being chased by a lion all day, is it a really time for you to feel safe enough to go do something different like go to the gym or change some comfortable eating pattern that you've had? No. It
goes away. But when I drop just through words, from frustration to relief to confident, my heart starts to slow down. And when my mind starts to slow down, I move into low beta brain waves, which I hope everyone is in right now, where you're more receptive to information, right? You can take new information in.
You're willing to test out a couple new things like, you know, try out one of the things that Brian said on the meal plan or the workout or whatever the case is. But in this state, hybrid of brain wave patterns, which is just simply feeling frustrated or feeling in stress and living there, which most likely is going to be determined by the language you use, it is a very very tough like guard to break down.
But we know just from this exercise, we can drop that guard down. And when that drop that guard down, we allow for really change to happen. And that's the same thing that goes for people who are dealing with chronic health issues. A lot of times it's just stress has been so has been so overloaded. But the moment they just let things go, >> sometimes just emotionally letting them go, they magically begin to heal.
>> Didn't magic you just change your internal state. >> And so I loved that exercise because it just goes to show we can change our internal state >> in in the matter of just a couple different words. And it can sound as just like this. >> Man, I keep having a problem with doing this. Hold on.
You can just catch yourself and say cross out problem opportunity. I actually have an opportunity at that. >> Right >> now, now my brain switches to seeing possibilities instead of limitations. And so we think of a fixed mindset or it's a growth mindset, [clears throat] right? It's the language that limits oursel or the language patterns that actually allow for us to open our eyes to what is actually possible.
>> So appreciate you playing out for that. you know, it's just And there's other ones, too. But those are, you know, just one of the more, >> you know, just basic beginner learning level ones that are they're really fun to play with with groups. >> Definitely. >> And even thinking through that for myself, all right, Brian has a hard time keeping up with Brian.
There's just literally a large amount of people that I'm responsible both in my home and then as doing client work. you know you there is some responsibility of this person is trusting you to help to deliver the outcome that you promised that you would help them with. So there's always that happening and you want to do your best for the people that work with you and I do I do a really good job there.
But the we go from this frustration point to I I'm aware enough to to throw in some pattern routes to not let it just toss me into the the wind in a sense like all right let's pull my head out of the sand. Let's look around for what the opportunities are. I have a business coach. I've had multiple business coaches.
I'm different trying different strategies. I have an email list. I have a podcast. I can outreach to gentlemen like Pat and have them on to my podcast to create more really useful content for people to gain value from. There's so many different opportunities or even just hiring an employee or VA or any of that stuff to help to offload some of my personal responsibilities that I probably should be delegating off to someone anyways.
And all of a sudden now I'm free to to have more opportunity to do more of the things that can keep up with this strong identity of myself. So there's lots of opportunities that I can and the difference between frustration and confidence can help me to take action, definitive action. I'm going to do this by then to make sure that I can get the results.
So in any of the the the work I do, I want to share with Joe because literally I was messaging with today and maybe that's why I brought him up. But uh we were going back and forth on our app and he said he's he's so close to hitting 209 and it's been a big goal for him to get under 210. So he's been losing weight and he wanted to do it before the trip.
So he had a definitive goal, a deadline and a timeline and he's been staying held accountable because I got a lot of pictures of his food and stuff here. I'm going to show you a picture of his food, what he ate the other day. So, this was some of a salad and stuff that he had as part of his meal. And and this so he's reporting in on that.
He says, "I'm going to try to take your advice and not weigh myself until I've been back a few days." Why? Because most people end up doing exactly that. They they race home and want to step on the scale that night when they got home. It's like the worst idea ever. Or even the next day. Why? And so I have this simple uh what I call the get back on rule.
However many days you're off is however many days it takes to get back on. So consequently, if you're off for a week or a sloppy weekend or the 4th of July here, Saturday and Sunday are a little little too much fun. Well, let's not step on the scale till Wednesday or even Thursday to assess where we were on Saturday.
And you might be like, "Oh, that's a long time." Yeah. Well, then make better choices in those two days. Exactly what we're talking about here. So, he said, >> "Oh, yeah. I totally remember that from one of your podcast. Two days off on the weekend is two days back on track." So, four out of seven days of not making progress. Yeah.
It's not necessarily going to do well for you, right? Basic math says that's a failing grade. So, u and then he what he says uh then then I told him do not step on the scale for a good week after. You don't need to track food or anything like that. He also referenced stepping on the scale at his mom's house and he's like my mom's got a scale back at home.
It's like no. I literally told him he's not allowed to do it. has said, >> uh, you're not allowed to step on the scale while you're there. This is the time to do a real test for yourself. You're going to go there consciously and practice good food behaviors and then have at least four or five days on the back end before you step on this guy.
He's like, "Oh man, I'm scared. I'll be flying blind." I will try to do it, though. And I said, "You're not flying blind. You've been practicing for weeks. you've been losing weight for weeks now and p doing the things these behavior changes that we're trying to change. So catch him in his soft talk right there.
Right. Yeah. >> I will try to do that though. >> And then uh your >> what it says >> I said I'm here to help. >> However, just knowing that I'm here in and of itself will help you make better choices. So having that proximity to having [clears throat] going from I'm really worried or scared to >> he's even going through that transformation in that just this exchange this morning over a course of two to four minutes of of going back and forth like okay I accept the challenge I will go there have a good time weight
maintenance is the goal for an 8day trip and that will make him wildly successful and sometimes like oh that's not losing weight like Well, if you lose if you gain 5 lbs every time you leave your house for a week vacation, then that's a huge win. You are doing way better than you have in the past.
So, I just wanted to bring Joe back into this conversation, man. He's really going to love this when uh I was like, "Hey, Joe, your ears must have been fire on fire on Friday because we were we were chatting about you and I know you can do it, man. I know you can do it." >> Yeah. And and like you said, it's you know, he's trained he's trained in that way and the other like because he's done it enough times >> and and oftent times if I just switch out from I'm scared to okay, it can be challenging and I know I've I have proof to do it.
>> Yes. >> That's all that's all the state shift that needs to happen in order for it to follow through. So I like that a lot. And you can you can you can you know I always ask I always ask tell my clients respectfully I'm going to call you out on that. you know the oh I'm gonna try and go I say are you gonna do it or not and that's if you tell me no you're not then then I respect that more than you telling me I'm gonna try and then it never happens >> right >> I think that's one thing that's you know it's just fun to play with a little bit
>> yeah very much so >> and and it is it's it's training your training you talked about it for yourself of like kind of the reframe or training your mind to get back into that coherent state so I can see those opportunities and >> right I think that's a lot of what Um, when you think about people wanting doing meditation and thinking it's woowoo, but really it just trains your focus.
I think more than anything, it just trains your focus. Because the truth of the matter is if you if you sit down and you close your eyes and your mind's going a million miles an hour and you're thinking about all the things that you you have to do, then your life has you by its horns. If you can train, you're it takes time. And it's not, it is by no measure easy.
But if you can train for those things to come up and to just let them be to the side, you are putting yourself back in the driver's seat of your life. And that to me is like that to me is the f the level of focus that is required when you're wanting to have some of these massive changes. It's like I'm going to this place again or I'm overthinking about what I need to eat.
When in reality, if I'm like, hold on, instead of doing that, I'm just gonna put it down here. I'm going to come back to my center, know what's true to me, let my body do what it knows it it can do. And and over time, you build that level of focus. And I think that is one of the biggest things that we're missing.
You talked about technology earlier that people are missing out is their ability to focus. >> They don't put the phone down, they pick it up and start scrolling, get lost. in the 10 second I I keep telling my kids I'm basically yelling at them do not live your life 10 second at a time because they're just what are you doing you can't even recall what you did the last x amount of time and that's what people are doing they're not slowing down and that's where you have this opportunity to have self-reflection and become resourceful
to be able to then create the answers that you need for whatever the challenge or the problem that you are facing in that moment and And that's what Pat and I are talking about is >> sure >> slow the f down people >> like take a breath >> and meditation can be a thousand different things. It can be >> what most people are thinking just sitting in silence and trying not to think of anything.
It can be thinking of something singular. It can be I love this one thing I remember from when I was in group exercise classes back in 2002. I my the guy who hired me on at the YMCA, his name was Carson. He was a yogi. He taught yoga classes and then occasionally he said, "Brian, I can't make this class. I need you to teach it.
" And I was going in and practicing with them. So, I had started to acquire the skills of going taking people through yoga. And one of the the meditations that we did at the end of it and shavasana, which is dead man's pose or corpse, you just lay there and it's the guided meditation was you poured warm water in from your toes and then you went up one body part at a time and so I would be telling them just like okay we're taking deep breaths in and so it's all that type of general meditation stuff but I want you to feel the warmth in your tip of your toes starting to
fill up into those those early knuckle points and then now the water is into your heel and and then it moves up into your knee and it just it's it's just creating this warmth there and and You you tell the story and you get the people to stop and only think about whatever it is that you're saying and you literally by the time you work your body filling it up with hot with warm water all the way up to your your eyeballs in a sense.
you forgot that you even have feet because you're so relaxed, so checked out and just in this this this focused state of mind that it it brings inner peace, >> drops the stress, the cortisol, and allows you to be able to just feel refreshed leaving that place. So, we want to What are some other ways of meditation that you've found and offered up to guys that weren't just sit in silence or >> Yeah.
maybe do the calm app or something or head space app. >> The calm app is great. I I mean when I first started I used the insight insight timer. It's a free app as well. But I want to just point out you know it can be it can be sitting in silence. It can be a guided meditation. It can be a body scan similar to what you just shared of like giving yourself presence to from your head to your toes.
It could be just 3 minutes of you consciously breathing 5 seconds in your nose and 5 seconds out your nose which would be >> Yeah. Yeah. You can all and there's so many of those, right? So many different ways. But to all that to be said, the training what we're teaching, like I went back to that, you know, that feeling of frustration you talked about earlier, which then elevates the mind to speed up really fast.
When we do meditation, just like you said, people forgot where their feet are. Not only did they they they definitely forgot about their problems, but they also forgot about their feet. But what that if we took a if we actually were able to measure that >> their heartbeat was so slowed down and their brain waves, their their thinking, their mind was so calm that they could think so clearly.
They could make the best conscious decisions. And so when we do meditation, we are training our ability to regulate ourselves. So to your point, yes, they felt good at after that moment, but now they're giving the body a taste of what it's like when they feel stressed outside of that meditation to know over time, I can bring myself back down.
And then when I enter into that situation, I can actually make the best possible decision. And I'm not doing it out of frustration or fear or whatever the case is. So I I feel that that that is one of the most valuable things because people are so addicted to stress that meditation does the opposite opposite because it you know we talked about addiction.
>> Stress is just a chemical. It's just cortisol. >> And if we do it enough, we have enough of it in our lives, we constantly chase it. We become addicted to it. We'll be in a bad relationship just to get some excitement out of it. Even though that's not >> there's dopamine one way or another. >> Yep. positive or negative.
And the only way to start to train the opposite, you conditioned yourself to be okay with that. So meditation is conditioning yourself to be okay with the relaxation, to be with what we would consider coherence, which is just heart and heart and brain in same unison in flow. We're in a really good spot. So you can do that through getting on the call app.
You can get on insight timer if you reach out to me. I've got some meditations on my me men's community on the school platform. There's, you know, breathing ones. There's body scan. There's walking meditations. If you can't sit still, there's so many. So, I just encourage if anyone ever has shared that they it doesn't work for them or they've never tried it, doesn't seem like it would work, give it a give it a true shot, right? Few weeks consistent and really being honest.
And also with that word we talked about earlier, patience. I'd be I'd be surprised if someone actually did it for 30 days straight there. It's inevitable that I would see there were life wouldn't change in some way, shape or form. >> Right. Agreed. >> And that's anything though for 30 days. >> Agreed. Yeah. And if you focus on that specific thing >> with intention, it will change something in your life in 30 days. For sure.
>> Yeah. Yeah. >> Oh, this has been good. if I am renewed and ready to go back into the the world here with some fresh refocus on remembering that yes, my life is very busy. But if you look at the patterns of behavior that Brian has done over a long amount of time, he takes care of himself in terms of his health.
He eats healthy most of the time. He drinks lots of water. It gets the sleep is a a big kryptonite for me. It's just challenging with so many people. My my two ladies in my life, my wife and my daughter, they like to just stay up forever. And then my my second son's been waking me up at 6:45 on the summer.
I was like, "Dude, I could be sleeping till 8:39, man." So, so we got to get them to cross country practice or whatever. Or my oldest is getting up at 5:15 to go swim. So, it's like this this I'm stuck in the middle here. I'm stuck in the middle. But this is this is excellent. Now, starting to wrap up, what are what's a message that you can tell the guys listening in that you can do this, we can make some really positive changes, things like that.
>> Yeah. I would just say that all of this stuff is in your wheelhouse to do. And like I said, it's it's all free. It's all it doesn't take you any more time. You don't have to be a rocket scientist to figure it out. But if and when you're willing to change up some of these patterns and your mindset's going to change and if your mind it's truly involved in every single thing you do, it even runs when you sleep because you're dreaming.
So, if your mind is involved in everything you do and you want some parts of your life to change, then give yourself an opportunity because you're getting amazing free value from this podcast that Brian's put on and I'm sure all the other episodes that don't just rely on the information, do the implementation.
And even if it's one small, even if for a week all you do is you you you reduce the word using the word can't or shouldn't or don't. and just notice and write it down. That's all that's all the message there is. And just like anything, if you're if you're consistent enough with over time, things can things can change in that way.
And yeah, that would that would be my biggest message is, you know, your words create your story. Your story is your life and your life is oftentimes dictated by your mindset. So, >> yep. >> Just like reverse engineering things. You want to get jacked. Okay. Well, we got to start with the basics first and that's what we're here to do with the same thing with the mindset. Yep.
This is excellent, Pat. So, if you listen in to Pat here, there's a lot of overlap in a really positive way. We do have to start with small things. We do have to build it over time. It's that James Clear Tomic Abbott's 1% better type approach. And when we stack those, we get wins. And when we find time to slow down, then we can destress and get into brain waves and physiology of our body to be able to then be more resourceful and take better action on those whatever directive it is that you need to be able to accomplish
or to be able to start finding solutions that you need to overcome whatever problem that you have in your life. Because life is a series of problems. You solve one thing, something else pops up. You gota figure that out and and that's that is just the journey that is life. And so that is so important. Pat, I want to thank you for jumping on here and sharing this and getting me to do a little exercise.
And >> absolutely a good reminder that >> there's always opportunity and that's something that I like to share with everyone as well. >> All his stuff will be in the show notes, his school group if you want to join that. and his Instagram and socials and such. So, be able to check out there and he's got a lot of other actionable things on his website as well.
So, leave it there for you to grab. All right. >> Thanks [snorts] so much. >> Yeah. So, thanks so much for coming on here. I appreciate you and looking forward to, you know, just keep going. Thank you. Thank you. >> Good. Appreciate.