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Jan. 12, 2026

Why Authentic Leadership Starts With Men's Personal Health. Guest: Jon Sheldon - 44

Most men in their 40s and 50s look “successful” on paper. Good career. Family. Nice house. But behind the scenes, the weight is piling up. Not just physical weight. Mental and emotional weight too.

In this episode of Driven for Health, Coach Brian sits down with Jonathan Sheldon, former Marine infantry squad leader and owner of Bellwood Coaching, to talk about authentic leadership, men’s mental health, and why high-performing men quietly hit a breaking point.

Jonathan shares a simple but powerful analogy: every time a man says “I’ll take care of it” or “I’ll figure it out,” he’s putting another rock in his pack. Eventually, the pack gets too heavy. That’s when men shut down, isolate, lose energy, and feel like they are stuck.

You’ll hear practical ways to catch the warning signs earlier and a framework to get back on track:

Purpose: what you are here to do
Vision: where you are going
Environment: who and what you surround yourself with
Motivation: what drives your daily actions

We also cover why doing hard things with other men matters, how “guy time” supports mental health, and why sending the check-in text to a struggling friend is strength, not weakness.

If you’ve been carrying too much, this conversation is your wake-up call and your next step.

Men’s mental health in midlife and why men go quiet when it gets heavy
Authentic leadership vs. borrowed leadership
The “ruck pack” analogy for stress, pressure, and burnout
How to build a life that feels lighter and more aligned
Why fitness, brotherhood, and shared hardship matter
How to check in on a friend the right way

More on Coach Jon

Coach Jon is leadership, growth, and small unit coach who helps high-performers lead with authenticity, operate in alignment, and grow with purpose.

My background as a Marine squad leader and Fortune 500 sales executive shaped how I approach clarity, discipline, and resilience, especially under pressure.

Now, Coach Jon works with individuals and teams to build performance systems that scale sustainably, without losing what matters most. His coaching is grounded in Stoic calm, radical honesty, and a belief that real growth starts with owning the truth.Social links:Instagram: @Belleauwood_coachingLinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jonathan-sheldon-82760a51/

Jonathan’s coaching practice:

Belleauwood Coaching

Visit https://www.belleauwood.coach/ for his free PDFs: Authentic Blueprint and Battle Plan frameworks.

The Call To Rise is a 100-day fat loss transformation experience designed for driven men ready to get back to a healthy body, boost their energy, and lead as a powerful man. Through a proven system of strength training, personalized nutrition, and radical accountability, you’ll drop 20–30 pounds and rebuild confidence from the inside out. It’s more than a fitness program, it’s an body transformation experience with a Brotherhood of like-minded men committed to showing up, leveling up, and leading in a body they are excited about. This is your wake-up call to rise.www.thecalltorise.com

Want help applying this to your own health, weight, energy, or lab numbers?

Coach Brian Parana offers Health Hot Seat coaching segments for men who want a clear next step with nutrition, fitness, weight loss, blood pressure, cholesterol, A1C, or daily consistency.

Learn more about The Call To Rise, a 100-day coaching program for driven men over 40 who want to lose weight, improve their health, and rebuild confidence:

www.thecalltorise.com

To connect with Coach Brian:
brian@brianparana.com

Disclaimer: This podcast is for education and coaching support only. It is not medical advice. Always work with your physician before changing medication, treatment, or medical care.

Welcome to Driven for Health. Today is a special day. We have a guest and if you're listening in, you're likely a man in your 40s and 50s. You're successful in a lot of areas of life. Often times we find ourel successful on paper. We see the financial success or the house success or cars or or whatnot, but then there's other things in the background that aren't as successful.
And that's what we're going to be jumping into is men's health, men's mental health, men's physical health, and how we can maximize those opportunities to get a full life to live and be full of energy and give to the people around you to a high level. My guest is Jonathan Sheldon. He works with leaders and teams and his focus is something most men never stop to focus on and think about.
It's authentic leadership, not just because of social media, but actually leading from within. And I can't wait to dive into our conversation to talk about how we keep carrying more and more weight, physical, but also mental and emotional, than we ever have. And as you get into your 40s and 50s, you actually feel those things.
I was didn't feel that when I was younger and I feel it ever present now providing for my family, providing for my clients and and being an actual productive member of society and maintaining that. So today we're going to break down what his framework is to find authenticity, authenticity into your day-to-day life. What his blueprint is, his purpose, vision, environment, and motivation.
so we can actually connect with our physical, mental, emotional health. All right, Jonathan, welcome aboard. What is one big takeaway that you want our listeners to to have from our conversation today? >> First off, thanks for having me on, Brian. This is going to be great. Um, the the big takeaway, you just kind of mentioned it, is you don't have to just figure it out or just take care of it.
You don't need to pick up that extra weight or that rock and put it in your pack. There are other ways to do that. And to knowing what your purpose and your vision in life is what's most likely holding mentality back. >> Yeah, definitely. Mental health is something that we quickly focus on in our pre-in conversation and we're going to be diving into that.
And what are some of the things that first maybe do a brief recap of who you are and why people should listen? I don't know why should people should listen to that but um [laughter] who I am you know high level story uh I'm a prior Marine infantry squad leader I did do deployments to Iraq as as such in the early 2000s I'm a fierce friend and husband I am the owner of a professional coaching practice and I spent the better part of 15 years in high level financial planning.
>> Yeah. And I from our very beginnings, I can feel authenticity. I can feel leadership coming from you. Just how you show up, your presentation, even the the the little bit of research that they did on the front end on even your your Instagram because [laughter] that's where I first saw you.
I was like, "Hey, who is this guy?" And your website and and your Instagram. You had a a bloopers reel that >> I was going to say >> when they watch when they have when I have conversations like this, I think people when they watch some of the Instagram stuff, I it there's a lot of humor in a lot of my videos. >> Yeah. Which is good. >> Yeah.
>> Humor. It's so funny, dude. I've spent so much time and energy and money on those videos and the blooper one by far was the most successful. >> Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Uh, I I'm playing the content game and trying to juggle how much time and energy I put into it's because it's, >> you know, it's it it takes a lot.
>> What is authentic leadership to you and how do you see it showing up >> with with men these days? Yeah, I I love the what is authentic leadership question because how I describe it and and the way I like to go about it is look there there's a lot of programs tenants like the Marine Corps has got JJ did Taibuckle which is 14 leadership tenants essentially I I can't even pretend like I remember all of them now but those aren't mine you know John Maxwell isn't me Jaco Willink isn't me Right. Right.
>> What I like to tell people is draw from those those leaders. >> Right. Draw from the past, draw from other examples, but take the time to not just regurgitate what you heard. >> Yes. >> And understand what type of leader you are and that you want to be and how you show up. Because if it's not authentic to you, you just won't do it.
It's like core values. Like for businesses, if you're not actually living by them and you're not holding your employees, your staff or your family to I I build core values with families a lot. If you're not holding to them, then why even have them? And that's what authenticity means to me. It's not like that you shouldn't have them.
It's change them. You know, there are there are things that you're going to focus in more as a leader, a leader again of yourself, of your family that somebody else said that you might not connect to. You just fight the entire time. like be your authentic leader. Find out what type of leader you want to be for all of those aspects, >> right? What area do you find men showing up in as that leader? And then the flip of the coin, where are they lacking that leadership? I find I think a core leadership principle that is I think I do think is important is
that leading by example and I I think that's the answer for both. Weirdly I find that men who are doing a good job of being leaders are leading by example and ones that they're lacking are do a lot of talk and don't do a lot of pract like being being a practitioner of it. Right. Yeah, I I totally see that as well.
I'll work with a man and then he wants to influence his family. Said you have to lead by doing. You can't come in and just all of a sudden, well, we got to clean out the fridge and the pantry and we got to start walking together every night and we we're off screens at this time and all the Good luck. >> Good luck, man.
You're burning bridges here real quick. But if you lead and they see change, that magnifies the the effort and the intensity and the focus to then get them to want to or pull them more toward you in in that type of situation. Now, you had you had a ruck analogy that that you brought up. >> What was that about? So, because if we can teach stories and analogies, that's when people actually grasp these concepts.
>> Yeah. I don't know why I thought of this at one point in time, but it came to me on a client call. >> Yeah. Best times, right? You're just looking for resources to get someone to think differently. >> Yeah. and and the way that I I think about um men in general because I've just, you know, call it what it is.
Like I I was in the Marines, that's 99% men, you know. >> Well, thank you for your service. Quick time out there. Appreciate that. For sure. >> Um appreciate that. But, you know, that's 99% guys. Financial planning is 99% guys. And so I've spent my entire lifetime primarily surrounded by high honestly like I would call high value high driven men.
And one of the one of the common things that I've seen actually when you start seeing the them go off the rails a little bit is they say those words in the beginning that I just I mentioned like they'll say I'll take care of it. I'll figure it out. And that's their answer for everything. And all they're doing is if you think of like you're on a rock, you know, a ruck walk, um, jog, whatever it might be that you're doing, hike, it's every time you say that, all you're doing is taking and picking up a rock on the path and just putting it in your
pack, saying, "I'll take care of it." And then something else happens in your life, your family, your business, and you're like, "I'll take care of it." And you put it in their bag. And then something else happens. And you guys get the trend here. There gets a point in time where you just can't take the next step.
And if anybody's and you're you're obviously a deep into the fitness coaching world from what my understanding is I've been working out since I was a kid. >> You don't hit the last rep until you're halfway through the last rep. >> Then it just shows up. Oh my gosh. I was good. I was good and now I'm not good anymore. >> Exactly.
And how many times that happened when you're working out where you're like oh I got this. I got this. I got this. And then all of a sudden you're like halfway through number 10 you're like oh I don't have this. It's going up up. Whoa, it's going down. I need some help here. >> Exactly. And that's what happens in what I witnessed with men in life is by the time they realize that it's like you're there, you don't have enough, you can't push it up anymore.
>> Agree. >> And if you don't have a spotter, what do you do? And that's why that's one of the reasons why I think men's mental health is such a a big thing to me is because I've been witnessing that for so long now. >> Yeah. you know, with high achiever with high with your quoteunquote societal high achievers, right? Your CEOs, all of that all the way down to the dude that you know, just got out of college, right? A young man.
Like, I see it throughout the entire span. It's just when is that last rep hit and are you prepared for it? >> Right. Right. And for me, that last rep is a bad blood panel at the doctor and they get sent away with lose weight or they saw themselves in a picture and or their clothes don't fit or their wife turns away from them in a sense.
There's just no physical intimacy. There's they can't keep up with the kids. They're out of breath or they're tired. They're they they finally caught themselves in this endless screen disconnected from reality type situation. Those are real things. Now, there's two things I wanted to talk about was >> and go from here was the ruck and >> what what are the points that you see that final you just can't do it anymore? Is there a time? Is there signs, symptoms, there's or what does that look like? And then at what the other thing is the landscape of
men's mental health like how have you seen that change? Cuz we can go back to the 50s and men don't ask for directions >> and then now it's actually talked about. So there's a it's a two-part. I just wanted to throw this both out there, but that's where I'd like to head in our conversation.
What are some of the signs, symptoms, and and timing that people start to hit this last rep feel? And maybe even share an example. >> Yeah. I what I notice is guys end up getting quiet and disassociating. >> That's when I see them. I think that's the most common symptom that I personally see is you'll see dudes, they'll stop hanging out as much.
you know, they'll start disassociating and it's like they can't they can't get there. You know, it's like the the weight is the weight is becoming too heavy where it's like and I'm I'm not even close to say that I know much or anything about being an expert in depression or anything like that, but it's just what I notice is is they start disassociating.
And hey man, what I there was a kid there was a guy man actually a good friend of mine. It's a good friend of mine probably three week. You asked for an example. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Because this is again where it lands of of you might be listening in and think you're you're fine. Fine is I'm good. I'm fine. That's a common response that everyone says regardless of what actually is going on.
And if you have a a a bro or you have someone that's in your corner, you're not fine, dude. There's things going on. I see it in your physical body and your energy or I haven't talked or I haven't heard from you in weeks. What's going on? >> Yeah. Yeah. I I I guys pull away. I was I was at a bar with you know a bunch of my friends.
We try and get together a couple couple Thursdays a month and uh which I think is super super powerful by the way everybody. Uh but >> my men's group meets in this barn here and we work out a couple days a week. >> Yeah, that's awesome, dude. Like I'm big proponent of that. But uh you know, we were we were talking and this guy his his claim to fame is there's nobody I've ever met.
I was in sales for 15 years and there's nobody I've ever met that talks more than this guy. And [laughter] love him to death, he's No, he does. And he talks so much. But but he's super kind and and generous guy and he and he gives a you know. Sorry, but you know and it's um and we were sitting at the bar and we were talking and and he's in this new business that he's been in for a couple years now.
Started asking questions like, "Oh, hey man, I haven't seen you in a while." And all this type of stuff and generally you got to kind of like kind of buckle up a little bit and be like, "All right, we're going to get a response here." you just handed the reigns over and he's going to take the >> conversation. >> And it was like these kind of like two or three-worded answers >> and you could just tell on his face that something is deeply like bothering him.
And so later and I and I even said to him in person I you know when one of our other buddies walked away is us two and I said you all right man like everything good and even in that response you could tell everything was not okay something was going on but he didn't feel comfortable talking about it. So, honestly, um, I sent him a text later that night when I got home, but no, it was the next day.
And I just said, "Hey, I wouldn't be doing a good job as a friend if I didn't check in on you. You definitely seem to off. Just want to let you know if you ever want to vent, talk, go out to coffee, whatever, outside of like the group stuff we do. I'm here for you, man. Just let me know." And just left it at that. >> And he responded back.
He said, "Yeah, it's just been a lot going on. Uh, you're really, you know, you're a really good friend. thanks for checking in on me. Yeah, everything's not okay, but you know, I might take you up on that in the future. And just letting guys know that there's somebody else that they could if they wanted to, whether they take you up on it or not, >> is I think important because that message right there, >> I don't think guys send to each other enough.
>> No, they there's no signaling. There's no communication. There's no acknowledgement that things aren't okay. You just brush it on the rug and put another rock in the pack on your rock. And how many, and this is what frustrates me about guys a little bit, too, is how many times does a guy like that leave the bar and everybody says the same thing and nobody checks up on >> Yeah.
Everyone's like, "Man, he's really off today." Yeah, he is. Nobody says a word. Come on, let's be better than that. It's not weak. It's not weak to send a text because you know that when your buddy's going through something, it's not weak. And I think that's what we all think. It's like, no, it's not.
that probably means way more to him because that's one of the things that I've realized even just doing the the the work that I've done on myself and thinking through it is how little guys get any sort of that type of attention. And that's what I mean by that rock. It's just like, oh, you're you're just supposed to be okay no matter what.
You're just supposed to be okay no matter what. And that's challenging, >> right? Even say me, I've the last 23 years I talk to people about health, nutrition, fitness, personal development, self-development, all these things. How can I make this person shine? And even me, I'll have moments and bouts of overwhelm or burnout or all these things.
And my my guys, Chris, Dan, Andy, those are my my three amigos, so to speak. But Andy I run with. Dan is actually a high school, middle school friend and we still hang out. He comes over and we work out. And then Chris, he is a longtime friend of about 20 basically my whole career. I remember him at the gym I used to work at when I personally trained back in 2005.
his daughters went to school with my daughter and we crossed paths at one of the father the dad and the daughter dad dance and then we went out for coffee and then that next day we just catching up and we did it two days later or something we caught up and hey do you want to come work out and he we actually have a broversary date it's over there Febru it's May 8th 2023 is is the first workout that we together.
So, it's our it's our broversary tape. But the guy >> I've never heard brosary before. That's why I'm laughing. I [laughter] think that's awesome, dude. >> But we've had some really deep conversations about a lot of things. He has four kids. He's self-employed for as long as I remember him as well. We're juggling responsibilities of work, of growth, of family, of aging parents, of financial insecurity.
Even if you don't actually have it, you still are always wondering, making sure you can pay your bills and all that. These are just these are things, especially in the 40s, that they didn't recognize other men having. Unfortunately, my father wasn't very present the last 20 years. >> And I'm I'm off I'm going off of YouTube University here on on a lot of things >> and Tony Robbins personal development.
You know, that's that's my some of my background there of I need a I have a problem. I need a solution. I'm going to go find it on on YouTube. just simple things of uh >> doing house remodeling and I will go figure out how to do the thing that my wife wants me to do. [laughter] I can't tell you how many lame minute floorings I've laid in the last couple years.
But now piggybacking off of that, how have you seen men's health shift in the last couple of say decades? the last two to three decades there has been more conversation ideally because of social media and there's more male advocates out the mental health advocates out there uh how do you see this evolve from the the 1950s I don't stop for >> directions I never asked for directions to being actually open to conversation because as soon as we more open conversations then we have actual resolution solutions provide guided into
the everyday life of that person to make it better, higher quality on a lot of different ways. >> Man, that's a great question, dude. And obviously, I'm only going to speak from my perspective. >> Of course, your lens, right? Speak from your lens, your truth, your experience. >> Yeah.
Um, I think that mentality I I think I think that we need to remember history, too. Could we learn from history and and not repeat it? Maybe. >> Yeah. Right. >> If we could do that, it'd be amazing for human existence, right? [laughter] Period. >> Yeah. The generation that we're kind of talking about though are guys that from part of necessity just needed to get stuff done at the same time.
>> And I think we need to credit that generation for doing some pretty impossible stuff. If we talk about just basic engineering and architecture of our country, roads and whatever else. Yeah. >> It's a huge huge Yeah. >> Exactly. And so I think that there's some con context there, but as it's changed, what I what the the caution that I have about the changes that we have seen and I think the majority of them are good of giving more resources, bringing awareness to this.
I don't think that we're anywhere close to that yet. I mean again suicide statistics are what they are. 70% are of one one demographic you know. >> Yeah. And unfortunately you mentioned that that's pretty proximal to you. You've experienced that in your life. I have not but you have because of your service. >> Yeah.
And we can Yeah. Yeah. I mean for those that are listening >> a side note. Yeah. >> Yeah. A lot. Like and when I mean a lot it's it's a disturbing amount. when you tell people some people honestly can't even really fathom that it's over 40 you know uh but I think a piece of that too is like encouraging people to open up and not be you know that's that's that's the dangerous trend I see I'll be honest is like just because you don't I'm going to give another example is that okay Brian >> yeah stories and now I I try to load as much as I can if I'm on shows.
>> Yeah. There's this there's this theme of about in men's health that we're that people that you need to be less less like uh less masculine we'll call it, right? And there is that there is that trend, right? And you get a lot now you get this entire other side that's like no, you got to be do that.
No, you you you can be and share emotions with your friends and still be a very masculine man. the most the deepest and most caring and most authentic conversations and the the most I've ever seen men cry is when I've hung out with my combat vets or whatever we tell each other my wife used to think it was kind of weird honestly like I say I love you to every guy I get off the phone with if if they're calling me we're having a conversation or good not every guy obviously but Right.
Right. The the relationship. Yeah. Yeah. >> Exactly. The ones I actually have relationships with. I'll say, "Love you, man." >> Right. And I And I mean that. And And I do mean that. And that's not me being a weak man. I think that's sometimes we're getting so far like misconstrued. No. >> It's a a emotion that has not been truly expressed for a long time for guys is love. Exactly.
I haven't felt it from my dad >> in years. I probably since I was in high school. I'm turning 43 next Sunday. Yeah, this this coming Sunday. And I haven't experienced love from a man sense of view for at least two decades. >> Yeah. And that's what that looks like. >> And that sucks, man. >> Yeah. And it is what it is. It's a For me, I've learned and I've adjusted and adapted.
I try to be pretty tactful and agile in what life is is throwing at us, >> right? But that has taught me to make sure that I impress upon my kids. I have three boys and a girl. It's very important that I'm present, that I show up, that I am engaged as much as possible, that I'm providing opportunities, experiences. They do endless amounts of school sport activities. We've traveled.
We're going to travel the world with them. Like my daughter is 10. She's been to all 50 states in multiple countries. We we create a lot of opportunities for them to thrive and be bold, independent people. And I I certainly hope in 10 years it pays off. It should because they get good grades and they're very all the things.
But it it it's taught me to make sure that I love on them. We cut out there at the end there, Bren. I'm sorry. >> No. All right. I just I just stopped talking. I I 100% agree and that's that's what I would say with my perception of what's going on is is we're we're shifting we're we're confusing the two things of the sense of losing masculinity is is opening up.
No, it's it's exactly in my opinion it's the exact opposite. You can still be a strong man for your family, be a masculine individual. You can work out. You can listen to Joe Rogan. You can do whatever you want and still have feelings and open up to your friends. Those two things can can exist together. They're not mutually exclusive.
And I think we need to dive into authenticity is manly. Like being that person of your sense self that's confidence. >> That's these are the hallmarks of a man in my opinion is being confident in who you are. And if that's a guy that says I love you to his friends, be that dude. >> Yeah. >> Be that guy. >> Yeah.
You know, that's kind of what it is. >> Yeah, totally. Now, you have leaning into some of the way that you coach people. So, we have a pretty good baseline here. There's some pillars. There's some general context that you take people through to to go. So, let's let's start with maybe what's let's go with the end in mind and then we'll then go back to the beginning of how you create that end.
So guys know could they can see that road map that that we're going to lead them on, but then we'll walk them through how does that actually happen? And maybe even a story might be a another good way to illustrate that of someone this is where they're at. Because I could tell you endless amounts of stories that have been slam dunk clients where their life has changed because they lost 20 pounds.
>> Yeah. >> In in multiple different ways. It's been incredible. And that's one of the underlying reasons why I do what I do is for the the deeper impact of getting this weight off and how I can impact and touch that person in a much more powerful way. And that's where we we hit it off really well because we that's the underlying reason why we do what we do.
We just approach it subtly different on the the the front end. >> Yeah. Yeah. So I think the end the end result is almost like we just kind of the the the full circle of what we just talked about is being that fully confident um man or leader, right? That makes decisions confidently and quickly. And I think of it I've got a client um who really kind of sparked this.
I I said it on a call and we you were going through some of the things that were nonwork-related stuff, right? that were massively impacting his business in a good way. And I said, "Dude, that's part of your I remember just coming out of my mouth, dude, that's part of your blueprint. That's why like this is obviously a piece of you and never lose that.
" And he had never thought of it before because again, it's just he's just so focused on putting out fires of his business or picking up rocks and putting them in his pack, right? It's like it it's but he never took the time to think through the aspects that make him the most successful man, leader, right? Business owner. And then the other piece of that is okay once you get there how do you make decisions confidently and quickly because we know that that even builds even more confidence and confidence is key in this life right so it is about building that
confidence feeling confident in who you are where you're going year round >> creating less friction more speed more capacity become authentic in your own what are the four pillars that you build off of >> yeah So uh first one is purpose right we I kind of dive into it as much as like the you know ancient Japanese word icky guy which would be what are you good at what do you like to do what can you be paid for and what does the world need I focus more on the first two things like what are you good at what do you like to
do but that's that's really talking more of um professionally we can take that same thing and think of it on a personal level too is what is your purpose like what is your reason as they say the icky guy roughly translates to your reason for being. I I thought of this mostly because of my time actually in and really the transition out is when I I noticed that at least the majority of my friends who were struggling with PTSD, not to say that our experiences didn't shape that, and everybody knows when I say what I mean by experiences,
but one of the things that I noticed more so was they lacked purpose. You join the military and you have this deep purpose. One that you learn for. >> Yeah. >> Right. And then you get out and you go to college and then what's your purpose? >> All you've known is purpose. Purpose. Purpose. Purpose. >> So that's that's one of the first triggers for me was I need to find new purpose.
And then I started realizing that not just vets needed to, that guys needed to and people needed to in general. This this model is not specifically for them. >> Right. Right. >> But that people need to find that purpose. What are you? What are you? And then the next beyond that is your vision is where are you going? You you figure out who you are your purpose in life.
Now where are you going with that? And that gives you that drive you know. So the first one is purpose. The next one is your vision. The third one is your environment or ecosystem. Who do you surround yourself with? What people, places, tools, things do you thrive in? For a father it might be family. Yeah, >> for a single guy it might be his group of friends.
For somebody it might be just just their wife, right? Or or their significant other. It doesn't really matter. Like for some people it might mean something different. But everybody has an environment that they know that they thrive in. And most people, this is where I see most people are really screwing up that they never put themselves in enough positions to be in that environment long term.
>> Right. We talked about the the my Thursday night guy night thing every couple weeks. One, there's a bunch of science around that anyways that just came out this year that I saw which is pretty interesting. But the other piece of it is like that's my my wife knows and we did an experiment on this too.
Like we were really busy. We were traveling a lot. I didn't get that time with my guy friendss and she literally told me one day, she's like, "You need to go hang out with your friends tonight cuz you're in a weird headsp space." And she's right. She's right. She was totally right.
I didn't even realize at the time of like that's what I was actually missing. But it is something strange like that is a piece of my life that I need. I need that guy time, you know? So that >> What was the study or findings that that you referenced? What was it? >> I'll have to send it to you. um was the rough state of >> Yeah.
the the synopsis was guys that do at least one guy night a weeks experience I think it was as high as like 70% less depression. >> Yeah. Oh, totally. Yep. >> Yeah. And I I'll look it up so don't quote me anybody's listening. Don't quote me on that. I think >> it's pretty close. >> I say that with my buddy Chris when we met at the Dad daughter dance everything was fine.
He's overweight. He's overstressed. He was drinking a lot. He was just disconnected. And by coming over here and just focusing on an hour workout, couple days a week, it was a huge powerful outlet. And we literally Give me a sec. I'm going to show you the board. Give me a second. I'm going to go get it.
It's worth looking at. If people are wondering why I have a Santa hat on, because it's right before Christmas. I should have said that in the beginning. All right. Here we go. this board if I can not have the glare on it. There we go. All those letters, numbers and letters are dates and it tells us what we did.
So, I have the date. I've got initials for who was with me. And then I have the body part or exercise stuff that we did. So, I can if we can zoom in, see if it does it. So that's that's November. That's how many times I worked out in November. And CC is Chris Chedarelli. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, 10, 10 times we met it looks like.
And then there's December. It looks it's sloppy handwriting for men. Uh, but you can see some of them are huge amount where spent a lot of time together and we I find that It's just it's mutually beneficial that we get connection and then we get exercise. And even with my buddy Dan, he comes over and I just asked him what we never actually talked about it, but what else would we do? Are we going to just hang out at the bar and drink or something and and and do that? That doesn't make sense. Dan has four kids.
He has an overnight shift work the majority of the last 10 years. He's super involved in his family, but he's overweight and I I need him to take better care of himself, especially that way so that he lives longer. All right. He is a great guy to be around. The king of oneliners, man. This guy has the zingers that come out of nowhere and he's just a genuinely good person and friend. and we would come over work out.
He would bring his kids and we played street hockey in our backyard with our kids together and kickball and four square and baseball and all these touch football all these really good memories through physical activity and social connection that I have very fond memories. I'm actually growing more sad talking about this right now is because the hope this hasn't happened, but the last time that we play street hockey may have happened because my kids are 16 and 15, the older two.
His oldest is 16 and and 18, and they're moving on to a different part of life. And that leaves Dan and I behind and we then don't have people to play street hockey with. And we used it'd be two on four or five and we would just have an amazing fun joyfilled time is some of the best experience I've had with bonding with my kids >> that I am disappointed that it's fading away because of just the evolution of life.
So, but there you go. There's the physical connection to create authenticity. But Chris not will die on this, but he's significantly better mentally, emotionally, physically as a result of coming over here. And we listen to music and silly enough, we've been watching movies as we work out. We're going through the Terminator series.
We're on Terminator 4 now >> as we work out. And it's just it's just fun. It's just a a a step out of the stress, the reality, and you get that with your guys, too. >> Yeah. And and I I'll give I'll give what you do a ton of credit. You know, you and I talked last week about this a little bit, but want to think physical fitness is massively important for mental health and and guys specifically.
I I really >> Mother Nature's best form of depression. >> Absolutely. Yeah. And one of the things that I miss most and that um you know my buddy and I just got out of rhythm. You know we both run small businesses. He's incredibly busy. I'm incredibly busy. But we used to wake up every day and there's a gym that's about 15 minutes from both of our houses in the middle.
And um we for about two straight years we would work out every morning together at 5:30 a.m. And then we would both there's a diner right across the street and we would go he's the fastest eater I've ever seen in my life. and we'd eat in about four minutes and then we we' be on the rest of our day.
But we both talked we we we're uh he's one of my best friends and we were talking about this this last year how we you know we both have that um that basement workout machine the tonal that we use and we actually follow each other and we still we still like hold each other accountable to that in a sense. But >> randomly if I may interject why don't you guys just jump on a a FaceTime >> and schedule time? >> That's where I was going with this.
Yeah. >> Okay. Cool. We miss we miss doing that so much. Why don't we just like FaceTime each other while we're >> while we're working out? >> Yeah. >> It's like there's something about Brian and you man, you must you must feel this with yourself, your clients, and your friends. Like there's something about doing something hard together.
>> Yeah. Oh yeah. >> That that brings people together. So like my buddy and I will trade his name's JC. We literally trade like terrible household activities together. Like, hey, can you help me put a solar panel on my Airbnb and I'm like, dude, that sounds like something a professional should do. >> But [laughter] yeah, I'll be there.
>> Yeah. Right. >> And it was miserable. It was miserable. But um >> just like why are we doing this? >> Why are we doing this? But just like doing stuff like that, so because a lot of guys when we're talking about guy nights and stuff like that, they're they're going to a bar like you said. >> Yeah. Yeah, >> I and that's fine. Don't get me wrong.
I >> I >> Yeah, there's varying levels of degree and then also your social circle of which you do it with, right? Not everyone's going to be the same person or >> time together and you have to manage your personalities >> to match. >> We And the reason I say this is like th that's all great, but some of the deepest bonds that I've ever made have been workout buddies or hunting buddies.
where like, hey, we're going to Colorado and we're going to do something incredibly hard for 10 days. And that's like an experience and a bond that you never break. It's something that again I learned from the military. You do hard stuff together. And >> it's means something. I don't I don't know what it is.
I haven't done enough research on that, but it means something deeper than >> life is hard. Well, even just just go back to just human existence. There's a lot hard. We're living in the most convenient time ever, right? every day and more convenient and that's causing problems. It's causing health problems, a mental, emotional problems.
There's no community anymore. And in the back >> back in the day, you did things together that were hard and then there was a fruitful payoff that took time, patience, energy, effort, connection, bonding, mental, emotional levels of frustration to joy. and you were able to actually experience a full range of motion of life of human existence.
And we're so muted these days because of our convenience and marketing and capitalism and we don't need to go down all those routes, but that's the reality. And there's more depression and more sadness. Just simply put, sadness in existence because there's just nothing hard to do anymore. And there's no fulfillment. There's no purpose.
There's no authentic authenticity that makes you you because everyone's doing vanilla stuff. Uh >> yep, >> that's it. >> Yeah, man. It's you just you nailed it, dude. There there is something there about even to this day I've had a we'll call it a desk job for the better part of 15 years. But before that I I worked on a farm when I was 15.
Then I worked for a landscaper till I went in the Marines. Then after the Marines all throughout college I actually worked at a landscape company and then started my own for a year and a half before I found before I found myself in finance. Um well here's what I'll tell you. Um, I still think about building patios as like I'll never forget that those those two summers.
>> Yeah. >> And how gratifying it was to do something really hard cuz it was hard. >> Long and hard. Yeah. >> Long and hard. And uh it was how much I remember that and how much I think back at those times and how much I appreciate it now of like there's that sense of accomplishment of like yeah this sucks and there's every taste of that ice water tastes so much cleaner like you know what I mean that that protein shake at the end >> you go go there's that refreshment and then you look at the work that you've done and and I've and luckily
I've taken picture of every patio I've ever built now I do I probably do one a year for like family and friends. >> Yeah. Okay. >> So, I mean, I have all the stuff, so why not? >> Yeah. >> And at the end, and you know what? Honestly, the reason my wife asked me like, "Why do you do that? It's so hard and it takes up an entire weekend most of the time.
" It's like, honestly, I kind of enjoy it. >> I don't get that, >> right? >> Like, there's something about creating something in a single weekend that's physical that's there, >> right? >> You know, that you can go hang out and I built a fire pit. that same that same buddy. Of course, he asked me to build him a fire pit like and so we go and we do it together for an entire weekend.
And it's so awesome going there the next weekend and sitting and communing with him and his wife and his kids >> and my wife and myself and you're sitting on a patio that you built. >> Y >> it's cool. There is something there too. And I again I haven't done enough research on it to to nail it down but there's something.
>> Yeah. Yeah. I I totally agree. not building a deck, but uh in recent weeks, Halloween, I sat down and it was pumpkin carving time with the family and I got everyone's done, helped them do cut and scoop and and and design and and all those things for the kids. And then I had my pumpkin and I got lost in about two hours.
The first time I've ever done a pumpkin this way. I usually cut out, you know, shapes and stuff, but I scraped away the flesh to create a sculpture. Yeah. This is the very first time I've done it. It looked close enough to what the outcome was, but then my wife was being played. It looks like ET. supposed to be this ghoul with this oh open mouth face and and all and she's like that kind of looks like ET >> but funny >> but I I was at peace just focused on that one thing.
Yeah, >> I saw the picture and this was the task to create bring that image out of the pumpkin and it was very satisfying and so different from my day-to-day life which is more and more digital because of just the the landscape. It was refreshing. It no stress. I just had music, Halloween music in the background and I felt very proud of my ET like [laughter] funkin. That's awesome, man.
>> Yep. Now, let's let's jump into another story of a a really big shift. I have home run. If I I want to rate clients on terms of successfulness internally, but also with them, I think of baseball. I need everyone, no matter what, to hit a single. You just got to do the tasks. That's all we're trying to do.
We're not trying to swing for the fences, but we need to hit a single, a double pretty much every day. And then you move the needle. You make progress. And then occasionally some clients come along because of their circumstances, their situation, both physical, mental, emotional, that become a home run or a grand slam client.
Uh Drake guy was making 250k a year. He was driving the fast cars, living the high life. He could just go do whatever he wanted, but his job career was stifling. It caused him to be 270 pounds. He had tremendously high blood pressure point where the doctor want to medicate him immediately. You're a walking heart attack, Drake, is what she said.
And he said, "Give me six months." >> And that's then we met. and the social all the the the the environment was so ripe for the picking for me that it was one of the easiest most transformative impactful clients that I've had in my 20 years of doing this. I mean the I got the guy I I influenced him in a a lot of different ways for power of good but he quit his job.
He sold his car within a weekend. He was driving around a Shelby GT Mustang and it sounds fun and exciting, but he said, "Brian, I'm an F-150 guy. Why are you driving around in a Mustang, man?" And I allowed him to step toward authenticity, to step toward who he actually is. I gave him the open I opened the doors and allowed him to walk through those things by guiding him through the process, asking key questions and holding him accountable to the things that he said was most important to him because I listened and I'm a good coach and he sold it and got
the the joyfilled energy from this guy's voice when he picked up his car. He sent me pictures of him in the parking lot getting it all. He was so excited and he's rolling around in an F-150 now. And then he lost the weight. He went from 270 to 180. He's He quit his job. Yeah. Yeah. He quit his job.
He makes more money than he did with significant amount of he had to sign papers to the the FDIC or something about moneyaundering and and theft because when you're managing over a billion dollars, a $100,000 is like a penny in a hundred. And it's it's quickly easily to go missing and and never get found. And so he would go to jail if if that money was mistreated in a sense.
He took that responsibility. So, he's making more money. He He called me. He said, "Brian, I'm getting married." This was two years after I'm getting married to my soulmate, to someone I absolutely love. Brian, I'm buying a house. Like, these are all life events that after the fact that he shared with me because of the engagement and the conversations and the the the the relationship that we had.
And it's tremendous. I could he could text me or I could text him and we'd jump on a call and pick up right where we left off because it was just that type of an impact and and that's why I do what I do because that is that's my drug. That's that's exciting to see that. So that's my say grand slam of a story.
What's one of yours that you took through some of the pillars to create the outcomes that that person wanted? And just wanted to talk to the listener here. As successful coaches, John and I, we align with what s means success means to the client. >> Okay? It's not what we put on them. It's we talk, we listen, we understand where they're at, what they where they want to go, and then we create that map, the massive action plan to be able to get there. And that's what the pillars are.
All right, John, what do we what do we got? I'll never forget um it it was actually in the process of of building this idea that I had in like fulfilling it and one of my clients sent me a picture of he was in Boston. His son has an eye condition and he had was in Boston in the hotel with his family uh with his son getting another surgery that he needed.
And up until we had gone down that process, he never took the time away from his business to go do trips like that. He was always either like he runs a construction company and he was always either checking in or you know doing the books while he's in the hotel room and never being present with his family, >> right? >> And when we started diving in especially to that environment, you know, and looking into, hey, what's your purpose? And it wasn't to, hey, my purpose isn't to build this massive business, it's to this for my family. My vision is
everything was about his family. His environment when he feels at his best was all about again family cohesiveness. And so when he sent me that picture and he bas it was a really nice message essentially the form of like hey I would have never done this without the work that we've been doing and I know how much it meant to him to be able to be present with his family for 4 days in Boston when his son was getting the surgery. His son is very young.
He's like four. recently that's meant the most to me regardless if he you know he did resign but like regardless if any of that happened that's what I love to do this for that's what I think that's what fills my cup you know and that's why that's why I do what I do because truthfully like that meant the most he's not the largest client that I have not even by a long shot those situations they just mean so much because yep >> he's doing like you said defining his version of success >> you know and was able to do something
that meant so much to him just being there and being present with in a stressful situation for his family. So that's one that just immediately comes to my mind because I just feel for him, you know. I just felt it. I felt it in the text when he sent it. >> Yeah. >> You know. >> Yep.
Yep. That's that you do feel it and you you share in the victory as a coach. You're able to appreciate try to the the work and the effort and all. So that's awesome. [snorts] >> That's really awesome. >> Now, as as we come to a close, I guess real quick, was one of the reasons why I'm in doing the podcast is trying to get out of the social media landscape at at 43, soon to be 43.
I I don't want to, you know, keep up with the Tik Tok song and dance. here's three tips to do this and here's oh my gosh it is >> exhaustive. It is I've been playing that game for the last year and it's exhaustive. But I can come on here. I can be myself. We can have powerful conversations connect over truth over authenticity over impacting other people.
And this is the preferred way for me to be able to grow my business, to create content, to be able to have people get to know, like, and trust me in this more longer form content. And I'm interested to see how it goes. You are episode 44 and since September 23rd is when I started. I had a very open day.
I had one client said, "I need to do something to to start drumming up business." And and I said, "I've been wanting to do a podcast for the whole year." Basically, he's like, "I think I should do a podcast." Think and then finally that was the days I have to do a podcast. I I'd guess guested on about 70 episodes there. Confidence was at an all-time high regardless of doing it.
Anyways, I knew I could do it. I just hadn't set it up or done it before. >> And I'd been guesting on it. I became very familiar with the software and and just the different processes of how people are are doing it. >> And so I launched and since then it's been a sprint just like boom boom boom boom boom.
I'm I'm I'm looking to continue releasing Monday, Wednesday, Friday as much as possible, high quality content and guests and different things to help empower people and show them that they can live a more authentic lifyle as a result. And that's what brings me to even creating this podcast in the first place is being my authentic self, being more who Brian is.
I get more joy out of our conversation than in the I don't know, we've been at it for 54 minutes than I do spending the exact amount of time creating my 10-second reels or whatever and and watch them get a 100red views or something. just like, "Oh my gosh, I can't maintain this. This isn't this is not how life is.
" And even to that point, just a side note, I I have my kids and I am significantly coaching them on, hey, are you living life 10 seconds at a time? >> Because if you do, you'll wake up 10 years from now wondering what happened. >> Yeah. >> Can we do something other with that screen time that you're doing? Listen to a podcast. Find an interest area.
Watch a movie. So at least you're more cultured. >> Yeah. >> And you can relate to other people when they say, "Hey, I watch this movie." Or you can bring up a line or whatever. For the love, at least do that. Don't look at some random 10 20 second clip with someone trying to get your attention. >> Let's Let's do better that.
My kids My kids get a dad, a loving dad, but also a coach. Yeah. And and actually one of the best one of the best lines that I heard about social media and obviously you know Gary Vanderchuk Gary Ve's all over you know he's a big proponent of it and the the purpose of this book is to encourage people to use social media so don't don't take it the wrong way but his book is called Day Trading Attention.
And isn't that exactly what it is? >> Yes. Yep. Yeah. Very much so. when it's a science. >> It's a science and soon as you figure out the science and you can go I I've had my first viral >> piece of content go out on Black Friday. You normally get about I'm growing my Instagram following and all. I finally got over a thousand people followers and all but and I'm engaging in every single one.
If you got a text from me and you're listening, that was me. Not mini chat, not any. It was literally me taking time to engage with you to to talk if you're listening and you got a message from me, but I it was 2,700 views, which is 10x what it normally is. It's like, oh, I got in in in 24 hours. Like, oh, I got a I got a cooker here. Uh but but I haven't had anything as successful since Black Friday and I've had many swings at bat.
So, I have not figured out that science. I don't know if I really want to because it's exhaustive as as you know and I know and it's expensive as you already alluded to your bloopers reel. >> Yeah, dude. It's it's it's hilarious to me that the bloopers reel still to this day is the heavyweight champ on my Instagram stuff and all of my stuff is really just giving.
It's what I do to give back. It's all videos of >> Yeah. just like there's no sales pitch at the end. It's just >> me, you know, >> and for better or worse. And I'm sure that I'm I could probably do it a million times better. And we're, you know, we're trying to work on it. But at the same time, that's why so it's it's refreshing, too, because that's why I went down this guest on podcast thing as well.
It's like, hey, why don't I just have like meaningful conversations with people instead of like uh fake me jumping out of an airplane and you know, [laughter] that's >> you know, it's fun. >> Real people will see through that. Yeah, >> I spotted a mile away now. It's like, yeah, this isn't real. Me, too. >> This isn't real. >> So, what what's one thing you'd love for a guy to take away from our conversation today? >> We, you know, we've we've used the word authenticity a lot.
Um, [clears throat] you know, one one thing that I would say, one thing that came up today I didn't know that I didn't think that would would be that that text that I sent my my friend there. You know, don't be afraid to be that guy in your friend group because everybody needs Yeah. Everybody needs one of them.
And it's not weakness, it's strength. So, if you see one of your your your friends that you know is obviously struggling, actually check in on them. >> Like meaningfully >> just hey, spend time and go go marry the two things that we spent a lot of this conversation talking about. Check in, right? Seek first to understand what what's what he's going through.
and spend actual time with that individual. It's it's good for the both of you. You know, that's what I would say is that is authenticity. If you want to do it, send them the text. Don't be like, I shouldn't. That's going to cross a line. No, send them a text. Are you okay? >> Yes. >> Good. [clears throat] It's huge.
It's meaningful and it's actionable. >> Yeah. Guys, if you're listening in and you hear this and you think of someone, you pictured someone in your head, you need to take action. You need to say hi at the very least. Okay, take action. Do something about it. John, how can we find you, get in contact with you? Is there anything you want to to a call to action in a sense to to send to people? No, not I mean, yeah.
I mean, look, th the Instagram videos, I know we just got done um you know, laughing about social media, but those Instagram videos, I do get a text every single time. It's something I'm very proud of uh from generally guys saying, "Hey, that that hit, you know, from random friends, from people that are watching it.
" That's my my business name. So, it's Bellawwood B- L AU W O Dore Coaching. So, check me out. And then there's two frameworks that I'd be more than happy if anybody's listening to this, they get my DMs or something. I I have got PDF versions. I'd be more than happy to send them. And I mean that. And that's my authentic blueprint that we talked about.
So purpose, vision, environment, and motivation, right? And then the other one is called the battle plan, which is a six six stage decision model to help you make decisions quickly and and accurately. And that goes through condition Sorry. Clarity, condition, cost, align, act, adapt. So, if they're listening and they they hit me up, I'll I'll just send it to them um and help them work through it if they need to.
But it's I think both of those have been proven to work really well for guys >> specifically. >> I find a lot of people that I work with already know what they should be doing, aren't doing it, and even say the offer that you're giving is giving the thing away. It's not that the true value lies with the actual work that needs done to create the outcome. Same thing with me.
Hey, >> here's what how many calories you need to eat. Here's how you build meals. Here's >> how what macros look like if you want to do that. Here's what exercise needs to look like. You can get that information anywhere. It's the actual work and the transformation that happens of of creating that bigger outcome.
That's >> coaching is for the ready. >> Exactly. Exactly. Well, I appreciate your time, your energy, your connection. John reached out to me uh on this and then I did some due diligence and I said, "Yeah, I think he'd be a good person to have on and I'm so grateful that we were able to connect and have this conversation.
I think it can move the needle for a lot of guys listening in because this is real. Men are feeling these things and they're not expressing them. They're not being their authentic self. They don't have a vision or purpose. They're getting left in the the I understand what a midlife crisis is now when people just run into that last rock that finally broke the back broke the back and wore them down.
That's when they burn it all down because they have Yep. >> stacked. They've been walking in a direction that leads them away from what their true goals are. And that's what's important that you take away from this message that we had today is move. When you move toward your authentic self, it's actually lighter.
It's more energetic. It's it's happier. I've had more joy and happiness having this conversation than I would than I would just sat on my phone editing a B-roll. And so, thank you, John, for that. I want to thank the listeners for listening in to our conversation to be more authentic and to seek help if you need it.
Whether it's from a friend or more professional, it's okay and it should become it should be the norm for for men to be okay doing that. And that wraps episode 44 for Driven for Health featuring John and Coach Brian. Thank you so much and we will catch you in the next one. Thanks, Brian. It's uploading.