Why Your Self-Talk Keeps You Stuck (And How Pat Smith Says to Fix It)
Four words sneak into your day and quietly keep you stuck. Mindset coach Pat Smith joined Coach Brian on the podcast to name them and show a fast way out. Try his three-step exercise and feel your own state shift in under a minute.
The Four Word Patterns That Keep Men Stuck
Pat Smith says most men get stuck in four habits of speech.
- Negations. Words like "can't" and "don't." Also "won't" and "shouldn't." Say "I can't stop snacking at night" and your mind goes looking for the snack cupboard.
- Soft talk. Words like "try" and "kind of." Also "should" and "maybe." Say "I'll try to hit the gym" and you already gave yourself permission to skip it.
- Dramatics. Words like "never" and "always." Also "every time." Say "I'll never lose this weight" and you lock in one outcome before you even try.
- Projections. Words like "she" and "he." Also "they" and "it." Say "she keeps making me eat this" and you hand your choice to someone else.
The Three-Step Exercise That Changes How You Feel
Pat led Brian through a live exercise on the show. Grab a pen or open your notes app and try it yourself.
- Write "I have a problem with" and fill in your struggle. Read the full sentence out loud and notice the emotion that shows up.
- Cross out "problem" and write "opportunity" in its place. Read the new sentence out loud.
- Add the word "golden" in front of "opportunity." Read it one more time.
Brian tried this live on the show. He wrote "I have a problem with keeping up with the demands of life." He read it out loud and felt frustration. He swapped in "opportunity" and felt relief. He added "golden" and felt confident and ready to act. Three words changed his state in under a minute.
Why Your Brain Believes What You Keep Saying
Pat says about 95 percent of how you operate runs on your subconscious mind. Only about 5 percent comes from conscious choice and willpower.
Frustration and stress push your brain into a state Pat calls high beta. In high beta your brain acts like it is running from danger and it can't take in new information.
Calmer words move your brain into a state called low beta. In low beta you stay open to trying something new like a different workout time or a new meal plan.
How One Client Held His Weight Steady Over A Holiday Trip
Brian shared the story of Joe, a client in his 100-day fat loss challenge who is down more than 20 pounds. Joe was headed to Tennessee for a Fourth of July trip and worried about gaining the weight back.
"When I travel, I gain weight" was the story running Joe's choices before he even packed a bag.
Brian uses what he calls the get back on rule. However many days you were off track is how many days it takes to get back on before you weigh yourself again. A rough weekend means you wait until Wednesday or Thursday to step on the scale instead of the morning you get home.
Brian told Joe not to weigh in for several days after the trip. When Joe said he was scared of flying blind, Brian caught the soft talk and reminded him he had been practicing these habits for weeks. Holding steady through an 8-day trip counts as a real win.
Who Is Pat Smith
Pat Smith is a men's high performance coach. He works with driven men who look successful on the outside and feel maxed out on the inside.
In 2016 Pat hit a low point after a family loss. He had spent nearly a decade numbing his emotions with drugs and alcohol.
He started meditating two minutes at a time. He would sit in the sauna after the gym with a guided meditation playing. Over time the habit grew into a full practice.
Pat later became a certified trainer for Dr. Joe Dispenza's corporate training company, NeuroChangeSolutions. He has since worked with Fortune 500 executives, professional athletes and business owners across Fortune 1000 companies.
Frequently Asked Questions
Who is Pat Smith?
Pat Smith is a men's high performance coach who works with driven men who look successful on the outside and feel maxed out on the inside. He is a certified trainer for Dr. Joe Dispenza's NeuroChangeSolutions. He has worked with Fortune 500 executives, professional athletes and business owners.
What does "abracadabra" mean in this episode?
Coach Brian opens with the real meaning behind the word: I create as I speak. The words you repeat shape the choices you make.
What are the four language patterns that keep men stuck?
Pat names four patterns. Negations sound like "can't" and "won't." Soft talk sounds like "try" and "maybe." Dramatics sound like "never" and "always." Projections sound like "she made me" or "they made me."
Why does soft talk hurt your follow-through?
Soft talk words like "try" and "kind of" leave you an easy way out before you even start. Saying "I'll try to go to the gym" gives you permission to skip it without feeling like you broke a promise.
What is the three-step reframe exercise Pat teaches?
Write "I have a problem with" and fill in your struggle, then read it out loud. Cross out "problem" and write "opportunity," then read that out loud. Add the word "golden" in front of "opportunity" and read it one more time. Brian tried it live and moved from frustration to relief to confidence in under a minute.
Why does writing a thought down work better than just thinking it?
Pat says thinking alone can spin in circles with no end in sight. Writing a thought down and reading it out loud forces you to slow down and notice the emotion behind it.
What is the "get back on" rule for weight loss after a vacation?
Coach Brian's rule is simple. However many days you were off track is how many days it takes to get back on before you weigh yourself again. A rough weekend means you wait until Wednesday or Thursday to step on the scale.
How much of your behavior runs on autopilot, according to Pat?
Pat says about 95 percent of how you operate runs on your subconscious mind. Only about 5 percent comes from conscious choice and willpower. That is why changing your default self-talk matters more than relying on willpower alone.
Take Your Body Back
The Call To Rise is a five-pillar system for men ready to take their body back. It covers your identity and your exercise. It covers your nutrition and your mindset. You do the work inside a brotherhood of men who push you forward.
If your self-talk keeps talking you out of the gym or back into old habits, this program is built for you. Learn more and apply at calltorise.com.
Listen to Episode 126 of Driven For Health for the full conversation with Pat Smith.
Read the companion article on brianparana.com for the four word patterns and the three-step reframe exercise.
CEO l Head Body Tranformer
Brian Parana is a men’s health coach with 23+ years of experience helping busy professionals improve their body, energy, and day-to-day habits while still leading at work and at home. His coaching is built around practical nutrition, training, sleep, and accountability, with a plan tailored to the person in front of him.
Over the years, Brian has helped thousands of clients through his work as a personal trainer, CrossFit gym owner, and online coach. He has also coached an Olympic silver medalist, a 2-time Olympian, and a CrossFit World Champion.
Brian is the host of the Driven For Health Podcast, where he shares real-world strategies for men who want to feel strong again and stay consistent without making health a second job.
He’s also the creator of The Call To Rise, a 100-day fat loss experience for driven men who want to drop 20–30 pounds, boost energy, and rebuild confidence through strength training, personalized nutrition, and high-accountability coaching. Many men join because their blood pressure, cholesterol, or blood sugar is heading the wrong direction, and they want a clear plan that fits real life.
Brian is married to his high school sweetheart, Amber, and they have four kids. Their family has traveled to all 50 states and 4 continents, with a goal to reach all seven.
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