Why Successful Men Keep Failing at Their Health

Marcus looked at a Fourth of July family photo and did not recognize the man standing next to his wife. He had been carrying 35 extra pounds for five years and calling it busy. That photo sent him to the doctor, and his labs came back with an A1C of 6.7.

A man can run a company and still carry 35 extra pounds for five years. The block sits in how he thinks about his own body. Coach Brian works on the thinking first with three mental tools, then the food and the training follow. Listen to Episode 134 for the full conversation.

Marcus Did Not Recognize Himself in a Family Photo

Coach Brian tells the story of Marcus on episode 134. Marcus is a marketing director at a SaaS company with 25 years in the field. He worked his way into senior leadership. He is the guy colleagues come to when something needs figuring out.

For about five years he had been carrying an extra 35 pounds. He told himself he would get to it when he had more time. His wife Sarah had been asking him to see a doctor.

Then his family took a picture at a Fourth of July gathering. Marcus looked at it and did not know the man standing next to his wife. He was looking at himself. That photo is what finally sent him to the doctor.

His Labs Came Back at 222 and 6.7

The doctor ran a panel. His cholesterol was 222 and his A1C was 6.7.

An A1C from 5.7 to 6.4 is the prediabetic range. Anything above that gets classified as type 2 diabetes. Coach Brian wants his guys down in the low fives. Marcus had been sitting in the prediabetic range for years without knowing it.

Heart disease also runs on his father's side and his dad had a cardiac event in his early 60s.

Marcus called Brian a week after that appointment.

Tool 1: Run the Five-Year Picture

Brian opens with one question. If nothing changes and you keep the same job and the same schedule and the same habits, where are you in five years?

He calls this negative visualization. Past behavior is the best read anyone has on future behavior. A number like a 6.7 A1C holds steady at best and climbs at worst.

Then look at how the weight got there. A quarter pound a week is a pound a month. That is 12 pounds a year. Two years of it lands close to 25 pounds. A quarter pound never registers when you step on a scale. Five years of quarter pounds is a different man in the family photo.

Marcus already had a preview of that road in his own father. Brian has his own version. His grandmother lost both legs from the knee down to type 2 diabetes after years of poor circulation. He tells that story on episode 89. The hardest part was everything she could no longer take part in with her family.

Medication follows the same pattern. One prescription tends to bring more with it because each new symptom needs its own answer. With diabetes that means insulin and metformin and sometimes a GLP-1.

By the end of that first call Marcus had stopped thinking about 35 pounds. He was thinking about his kids and whether he would be functional at 60. He was thinking about Sarah watching him decline the same way he watched his dad.

None of this is fear mongering. It is an honest look at where a trajectory ends. Brian has talked with thousands of people whose situation got worse instead of better. Heaviest weight of their life and more medication than ever.

The prompt. Sit with one question for a minute. If nothing changes in the next three to five years, what does that look like for you? Brian has a rule for the answer. No vague replies about looking better or feeling better. Name the physical version of it. His own answer at 43 is to look and feel at 50 the way he looks and feels right now. That means keeping up with his kids on a run and lifting most days of the week. It also means opening his own jars instead of handing them to his 16-year-old.

Push or Pull

Motivation runs in two directions. Some men move toward something they want. Others move away from something they refuse to become. Tony Robbins calls it push motivation and pull motivation.

Brian is a toward guy. He wants to look and feel athletic for life. He is also chasing his son Levi, who ran a 3:32 marathon at 16.

Marcus went the other direction. He told Brian he did not want to be his dad at 62. That one sentence did more work than any vision board would have.

Figure out which one you are before you set a goal.

Tool 2: Build Frustration Tolerance

Marcus applied and joined The Call To Rise. He had two good weeks. Week three hit a wall.

Kid stuff and work stuff and time stuff all landed at once. Waiting for a good time to start is a permanent wait. Life keeps sending curveballs.

Low frustration tolerance looks like this. A workout gets missed. A heavy week wrecks the food plan. The brain says this is not working and I ruined it and I will restart on Monday. That pattern had been playing in his head for years.

Wednesday turns into next Monday. Next Monday turns into two and a half weeks off.

The Get Back On Rule

However many days you are off is about however many days it takes to get back on. Brian has been giving clients that rule for over 10 years.

Joe went to Tennessee for nine days over the Fourth of July. The goal Brian set with him was to hold his weight. Joe messaged him once he was home. "I did it! I weighed the exact same this morning as I did the Friday morning before I left for Tennessee. 210.4."

Nine days off would have cost him about nine days coming back. That is 18 days out of a 30 day month. Holding his weight kept those days on the board.

Brian runs the long game on moderation and balance and flexibility. He calls the timeline the 2-2-2 rule. What we do in two weeks we do in two months and we do in two years.

Eric joined recently. He is 47 with kids aged 14 and 11. He had been trying to get to the gym for months and never went. Brian got him there twice in his first week. The agreement was feet in the gym even if the session turned into a walk. Brian calls that do what by when.

The men who hold results long term are not the most athletic ones in the group. They have rough weeks like everyone else. They found a way to come back after a bad week. Missing two workouts does not matter much when you still get 12 in the month.

The prompt. When something knocks you off and your brain tells you that you blew it, pause before you do anything else. Name the feeling first. Frustrated or tired or behind. Then run the AIM principle. Am I moving toward my health goals or away from them?

Tool 3: Four Questions That Stop the Thought Spiral

Marcus hit week eight with his weight down and his energy up. He was managing his food better than ever and hitting his step goals. On a check in he told Brian he did not think he could hold any of it after the program ended. He had lost weight before and watched it come back. He did not trust himself to keep it off.

Your brain is good at pattern recognition. It is bad at telling a fixed pattern apart from one that can change. Marcus had logged five years of stopping and starting and decided that was who he was.

Brian walked him through four questions.

"Is it true?" Is it true that you cannot maintain a result? Marcus said "probably."

"Is it absolutely true?" Have you ever finished a structured program with real accountability and coaching and then failed to hold it? Marcus had not. He had done apps and fads and keto and fasting windows. He quit every time before the finish line.

"How does it make me feel?" Frustrated and defeated and checked out. Then comes the follow up. Does that feeling lead anywhere useful? It does not.

"What would I do if I did not believe it?" Marcus said he would finish strong. He would pay attention to the maintenance piece and trust the process longer term.

Nothing in this exercise asks you to believe something fake. It checks whether the thought running in your head has real evidence behind it. Marcus had never stayed in long enough to find out what maintenance felt like.

What Marcus Looked Like at 100 Days

He finished down 28 pounds. His A1C came down to 5.9. That is still inside the prediabetic range and it is moving the right way. His cholesterol dropped from 222 to 194.

Sarah noticed. She told him she could get her arms around him and squeeze. She said she trusted him more because he took action.

The Five Pound Range

Brian holds every client to a five pound weight range they can live in for the rest of their life. No human weighs the same amount two days in a row, and a range that size holds for years.

Common Mistakes Men Make Here

Starting over on Monday. Four days of waiting turns into two and a half weeks off. Start with the next meal instead.

Going all or nothing. Punishing workouts and cutting whole food groups run out of road fast. Chandler did that for years before he and Brian built what Brian calls middle gear mentality on episode 129.

Waiting for a good time. There is no clean quarter coming. Work and family do not check the calendar first.

Skipping the blood work. A panel is the only way to know where you stand. Marcus found out five years late.

Who This Is For and Who It Is Not For

This is for the man who runs things at work and still weighs more than he wants. He is busy and he carries real responsibility. He has had success in other parts of his life and has never held a result with his weight. He has tried the apps and the fads and a few hard gym stretches and none of it lasted.

It is not for a man looking for a 30 day sprint or a meal plan to download and run alone. The work starts in your head and it takes 100 days of steady behavior after that.

Cross-episode links

• Episode 89: I Just Got Diagnosed With Type 2 Diabetes, Now What?
• Episode 117: Busy Tech Exec Loses 20 lbs in 100 Day Fat Loss Challenge
• Episode 126: Your Self Talk Is Ruining Your Health with Pat Smith
• Episode 129: This Client Broke All Or Nothing Cycle To Lose 25 Pounds
• Episode 131: Everyone Around Me Is On GLP-1. Should I Be Too?

Call to Action

Marcus had no idea his A1C had been sitting above the line for years. If you have not looked at your own numbers lately, start with the free Improve Your Blood Panels Scorecard. It covers A1C, fasting glucose, triglycerides, blood pressure, and waist measurement. It also includes a three day metabolic reset. Get it at brianparana.short.gy/improveyourbloodpanels.

When you want the full structure, The Call To Rise is Coach Brian's 100 day program for driven men who want to lose 20 or more pounds and get their health up to the level their career is already at. It includes an individualized meal plan, an individualized training plan, weekly round table calls with the group, 1:1 calls with Brian, and a client site holding every resource in one place. The guarantee is one sentence. Lose 20 or more pounds in the 100 days, or Brian keeps working with you until you do. Apply at thecalltorise.com.

Frequently Asked Questions

Why do successful men keep failing at their health?

Most of them already know what to eat and how to train. What keeps them stuck is a pattern of thinking that has run unchecked for years. Coach Brian works three mental tools first: negative visualization, frustration tolerance, and stopping the thought spiral.

What does an A1C of 6.7 mean?

An A1C from 5.7 to 6.4 is the prediabetic range. Anything above that gets classified as type 2 diabetes. A 6.7 puts a man in the diabetic range, and Coach Brian wants his clients down in the low fives.

Can losing weight lower your A1C and cholesterol?

Marcus lost 28 pounds in 100 days and brought his A1C from 6.7 to 5.9 and his cholesterol from 222 to 194. Coach Brian posted another client who dropped almost two points on his A1C. Losing 20 or more pounds can bring cholesterol and blood pressure down as well.

How much weight do you gain from a quarter pound a week?

A quarter pound a week is a pound a month and 12 pounds a year. Two years of it lands close to 25 pounds. That is how five years of weight gain happens without a single moment that feels like a mistake.

How long does it take to get back on track after time off?

Coach Brian's rule is that however many days you are off is about however many days it takes to get back on. Nine days away costs about nine days coming back. That is 18 days out of a 30 day month.

What is the AIM principle?

AIM stands for one question. Am I moving toward my health goals or away from them? Coach Brian uses it as a pause before a decision so a man responds on purpose instead of reacting.

What are the four questions to stop a negative thought about your health?

Is it true? Is it absolutely true? How does it make me feel? What would I do if I did not believe it? Two minutes with those four questions checks whether the thought has real evidence behind it.

What is The Call To Rise?

The Call To Rise is Coach Brian Parana's 100 day program for driven men who want to lose 20 or more pounds and get their health up to the level their career is already at. It includes an individualized meal plan, an individualized training plan, weekly round table calls, 1:1 calls with Brian, and a client site with every resource in one place. The guarantee is that you lose 20 or more pounds in the 100 days, or Brian keeps working with you until you do.

Listen to the full episode of Driven For Health.

Read the companion article on brianparana.com.