I Don't Want My Kids to Get the Leftover Version of Me: Fatherhood, Men's Health & Legacy - 144

Coach Brian Parana (0:7.918) There's one critical step to being a father. It's having a child. And that moment that that child comes into your world, you are literally changed. You are a father. And the responsibilities and the providing for them to keep little humans alive, it's there. And you see the world through different lenses. And it's actually amazing and empowering. Coach Brian Parana (0:37.356) I've had that privilege to do it four times. I have Levi, who's 16, Everett 15, Maxwell 13, and Emily is 11. Three boys and a girl. And I've been blessed with that. And my wife, Amber, who's my childhood sweetheart. We've been married for twenty years now, and I'm so grateful. And I want to say that I am a human. Coach Brian Parana (1:4.236) So I try to do my best in all things in life, but I also falter and stumble as well, just like any other person. So I'm going to humbly throw that out there in the beginning of this conversation. And want to welcome you to this podcast, Driven for Health. This is episode one forty four. I'm Coach Brian Parana. Now, today's conversation is going to be different. It's going to be a bit about my story, who I am, what I do, what this podcast is about, what Coach Brian Parana (1:33.814) and how I serve the world. And that's really important. And even more important, I want to share about the true impact and the legacy that I want to have for those to come in my world, my orbit, and just in general, the world itself. We're not talking about nutrition, fitness, lifestyle tips, tricks today. We're going to just talk about Brian, authentic Brian, not even Coach Brian. Coach Brian Parana (2:2.603) Why this is important at 144 episodes in. Well, why did I even decide to do this podcast this morning? It's just about the conversations that I've been having. Even today, I have four guest appearances on podcasts that I'm doing, and I get to express myself and I challenge myself to express my capacity, abilities, my experience in different ways on every single show. So it's not the same redundant Coach Brian Parana (2:29.867) show or the same tips or tricks or whatever that you just end up hearing. I've had over 200 guest appearances on podcasts, so I've had a lot of practice to share. But today it just really struck me in the conversations I was having of why all of this really matters. I really identify as being a provider, as being a father, being a husband, being someone who takes care of the people closest to me to the best of my ability. And Coach Brian Parana (2:56.607) I want to facilitate that and positive change and growth in the men that I work with as well in the Call to Rise and beyond. Just literally just having real conversations with men every day allows me to do this. Even — episode 142 was with Mista Yu, and we talked about men's mental health. We talked about shedding the narrative, all sorts of different things that come up with men. Coach Brian Parana (3:23.665) even living in anxiety and depression. And if that is your reality, you can't be the best version of yourself. And ultimately that's what we want. Health is one of the very first components to that piece. So taking care of yourself and all the tools and everything that I try and provide in our podcast here is meant for you to be able to find real answers and truth around this thing. So the undertone Coach Brian Parana (3:52.742) of how to keep men showing up in my world — this is something that I see every single day. The stories that are getting shared: they're successful. They have all the money they need, they have all their wants and desires fulfilled upon, but they're still not happy. They still are in a place where they are not healthy, they're overweight or they have bad blood pressure, cholesterol, diabetes, some other forms of chronic illness. Coach Brian Parana (4:21.953) that are really actually slowing them down and taking up a lot of space in their head and their brain and how they act and take action in everyday life. That's not what we want. We need to have powerful men showing up as their real authentic self. Episode one thirty five with Nicky Billou talked about that quite a bit. Of men showing up in our modern day world and not just falling susceptible to the challenges, the Coach Brian Parana (4:51.553) just the marketing, the advertising, the attention that the world is calling and distracting you from what is really truly important. And I think that if your expanded waistline and your neck, or your bigger clothes, how you show up to the people closest to you, if that isn't in alignment with who you are, you aren't showing your real self. You're not giving value. We've seen it and heard it so many times that the world needs you. Coach Brian Parana (5:20.289) We need you to be yourself. We need you to show up with attitude, energy, experience, and drive to create more value for everyone here. All us, what, eight or nine billion little ants roaming around on this planet here? We need the best version so that we can actually thrive as a community of human beings and not just live in isolation of what can I do for me today and how can I take from others? But I think it is the Coach Brian Parana (5:50.178) the golden rule: do unto others as you'd want others to do unto you, and give to be able to get. Like that's intentional. Like even if you want to get something, be selfish in that situation. You still would want to then serve someone to help them, in a sense of just like what I do. I need money just like anyone to pay bills and feed my four really Coach Brian Parana (6:17.037) growing kids right now. The grocery bills are a bit outrageous. But to be able to receive money, I have to give of myself, my energy, my talents, my wisdom, my experience. And that's what I'm doing. That ultimately we want to live a powerful legacy of a person that you want to show up in this world. And that's it. So some of my story, especially around fatherhood, that's what I really wanted to focus on today. Coach Brian Parana (6:44.413) And help give you a lens or a look behind the curtain of some of my life and the challenges that I've had that have led me to this point at age 43 with four kids and my business and everything. Some of my story. Well, my parents got divorced when I was about twelve, thirteen years old. I ended up seeing my dad every two weeks after that. Now, I always remember my family or my father being Coach Brian Parana (7:13.971) involved and engaged, and always looked up to him. He was the strong hero type, right? He like always knew anything, was super strong and in there and all this stuff. Of course, right? I hope that you have that idea or image of your father as well. Now through the divorce, the parents did whatever. I don't know what the actual story is to this day. It's not relevant what the story is, but the impact that it has had in my life is very relevant. Coach Brian Parana (7:43.518) Saw my dad every two weeks from basically middle school on, and that lack of fatherly wisdom and fatherly connection has definitely impacted who I am and what I do. And in the beginning there's a lot more of the presence and connection. But as my father had gone through different marriages, through different situations in his life, the connection and Coach Brian Parana (8:11.415) proximity to him was less. And as I was growing from high school to college and then getting into real life, I'm growing a family. I'm growing a business. I started my first business in 2010. And even before that, it was taking the shape of the personal training and all the things that allowed me to just elevate up to being in a professional career. Coach Brian Parana (8:38.199) To learn how to engage with people and sell myself and provide value in the marketplace. And so going through that timeline, I got less. Sure, he showed up, he helped me, he gave wisdom and all that stuff in my younger years. But when I got to about twenty-two-ish, twenty-three, that connection, proximity, especially with the increased work responsibility I have, is definitely a huge gap in Coach Brian Parana (9:6.541) me feeling his presence. And that is something that I have an understanding of more now as I'm older and I'm going through basically the same time frame that I had lived with, seeing my kids with a parent and understanding and trying to fathom what their life would be if I only saw them every other weekend as an example. That would make me sad. Coach Brian Parana (9:36.184) That would make me bored. I would be uninterested. I would be seeking out attention from them, but I wouldn't really be able to get it because of proximity or child custody rules or any of that stuff. And I just can't — one, I can't imagine how that felt for my father. I actually haven't had a conversation about it. I haven't even talked to him really since I was twenty seven. Coach Brian Parana (10:2.327) We had a — I went to a Tony Robbins event and I felt empowered to give him a call after that event. Obviously, if you've ever been to a Tony Robbins event, there's a lot of energy, drive and a lot of self-contemplation that you do in that situation to then allow someone to have an impact. That's what Tony does. He creates massive impact to create massive action and shifts in your life. Now, with that, what we have coming out of that is Coach Brian Parana (10:32.141) I had a conversation, it was maybe five, seven minutes long, it felt like top of the top conversation, like, How's the weather today? What have you been up to? It really had no depth and it really didn't end up addressing why or how I felt about calling him in the first place, 'cause it was literally kind of out of the blue. I've seen my father once since then at my brother's wedding, but he lives in another state and I just don't have any connection with him. Coach Brian Parana (11:2.569) And reports from him is he's just not in great health. Now, maybe you'd be listening in and say, Brian, why don't you reach out to him and connect with him? And I don't know. I have gone back and forth on that a lot throughout my years, but right now in my world, I have to focus on my children. I am the father to my kids and I have to be there for them. And that's the most important thing that Coach Brian Parana (11:29.889) that I see as Brian, is being there for my kids. And he's the parent in this situation that he should have an active relationship with me. When my kids leave my house, it's my responsibility to continue to create connection. Yes, they should be able to respond back in a reasonable time frame and not just ignore dad's, papa's text messages or something. I hope that's not it. Coach Brian Parana (11:58.902) Not answer calls when I call them. But because of my lived experience, I am definitely in my brain, I have to be very engaged with connecting to my kids as they foster their own personal lives, their professional careers, their families. And I have to be engaged and know and understand and be participating with them on those levels. And Coach Brian Parana (12:26.945) this is something that I want to bestow. And this has been a revelation that has happened over the last couple of years of I have the power to restore some sense of fatherly wisdom in my family. I can be the father that shows up for my kids. I show up like crazy. I'm at every event. I drop my kids off. I pick them up from school pretty much every single day. Like even tonight, there's a race under the lights at Coach Brian Parana (12:56.717) for my second son. We're gonna be there. The race starts at 10 PM because it's summer and the lights don't turn on till like 9:30, 10 because it's not dark yet. So I'll be at the track with Everett and the rest of the family. We will be watching and cheering him on. That is super important. And this level of provider has come from my experience growing up. So we just got back from an Alaska trip. We were in Machu Picchu in Peru Coach Brian Parana (13:26.655) in spring break. We hope to go to Ireland in the fall time, maybe even Japan. Like if you've heard my story before, we traveled all 50 states, multiple countries and continents. And providing opportunities for my kids to thrive in this world is a huge thing that Amber and I have decided to focus our time and attention on. Travel, life experiences, adventures, quality education, Coach Brian Parana (13:54.318) quality experiences of what they are able to participate in with sports camps, a variety of different other things. The kids just had a two week theater camp that three of them went to. And that was just amazing to watch them just thrive on stage in front of a live audience, to perform and just be their best selves and not have confidence issues, not have just fear of being in front of people. Coach Brian Parana (14:22.977) Because that's what they do at their middle school. And it's awesome to be able to see them come out of their shells. Because for example, like my third, Maxwell, I think and believe, based on his past lived experience, that he was a lot more anxious and had some anxiety. Whereas now, a couple years into being in that environment, he is thriving. He Coach Brian Parana (14:50.579) has been in multiple theater shows on stage, singing, dancing, and doing all those activities. And that's part of fostering those opportunities for the kids. And so those are some of the early-on moments of being a father that you need to do. And whatever your relationship is with your father, I hope that it's better than mine. I hope that you see opportunity — and maybe there's an opportunity to rekindle my relationship. Coach Brian Parana (15:21.049) But the main focus that I have right now is being the best father and parent for my kids so that they can also be the best version of themselves for their kids, and we can keep this generational — the manliness, manhood, fatherhood — intact. So early on, just, as a father and living my life experience, that was one of the big shifts of Coach Brian Parana (15:49.804) shoot, my dad taught me a couple of things. How to treat kids, how to treat your spouse, how to engage with them on a day-to-day basis. And I hope that I live that every single day. I try my best. Again, I'm a human, so my battery wears out. I can get short and not necessarily think before I speak or Coach Brian Parana (16:13.733) all that stuff, right? That's just human behavior and it does come at a cost of just being a human. But always being able to step back up to the plate and ask for forgiveness, apologize for actions and behaviors and different things — those are important. So I just again wanna share that. An example of that is I'll be in full go coach mode and I'll come in with lots of energy and I'll walk into the house and people are doing this, that and the other and the dishes haven't been done. And I'm like, why are the dishes not done? And Coach Brian Parana (16:43.255) that's just not the right approach. Amber will let me know that. And so will the kids — they just won't do anything. You probably felt this being a father. If you try and tell people what to do, then they usually don't listen to you. So we have to find another way about it. Now, my decision to be a present father and be active was from my childhood, and I will continue to do that. And I hope that you do too. Coach Brian Parana (17:11.325) In these times being able to see your child, your son, your daughter be excited, have laugh, cry, experience challenge, experience success, and be able to foster this wide range of human emotion, I think is so, so, so important for you to be able to do. Then this will then create connections for you. Coach Brian Parana (17:38.866) Just the other day on my Instagram and social stories I posted, hey Emily, remember the time we rode camels outside the Giza Pyramids? We did that. We created a connection that I can draw on in the future to be able to stay connected to my daughter. And that's important. Activity. I'm sad to say my calf hurts right now. I've been training for a marathon, because Levi challenged me to. He's my oldest. Coach Brian Parana (18:5.975) He ran the Akron Marathon in 3:32 last year and I was just blown away. And he said, You should do it with me this year. And I was like — and then I finally decided in January. And if you train, you know that movement comes, there's a cost, pay to play. I'm dealing with some injuries here and there. I'm working around them. I'm rolling out, stretching out, feels like more than ever. But the calf's a little sore right now. And right now literally he's out running a half marathon distance so that he can be prepared Coach Brian Parana (18:35.373) for the race, and I would have loved to have stopped what I was doing and joined him. But I did stop two days ago. He wanted a workout. I looked at my calendar, said, I'm open for the next two hours. I'm gonna join you. So then we came out to the barn and we worked out. If you see this on Spotify, you can see the video. I've always been in the barn. This is my, say, office in a sense. It's my Coach Brian Parana (19:0.181) man space. It's my workout place. And we have a TV in here. We watch music videos, or we've been actually watching videos, movies. We've watched all of the Rocky series and the Creed series. We're working through episode three of Star Wars, Return of the Jedi. We did the first three in the series. We're in the original three. And then we're gonna go into the last episode six, seven and Coach Brian Parana (19:29.383) seven, eight, nine in the series. And it's just something that we can spend time together. With my daughter, I read to her every night. And that is super important to me, to be able to have those times of connection. And then with Maxwell, we play video games sometimes. We are always joking and just poking and prodding each other and stuff. And every — Coach Brian Parana (19:56.110) I've ran with him a bunch this summer because he's a cross country runner. I've watched him and helped facilitate his art and performance and stuff. And so these are really important parts. Now, what does this have to do with this podcast, with everything? Is that taking care of yourself is radically important in this, so that you're able to give energy to those that need it. If you are a pitcher that doesn't have any water and you have all these water cups asking for water, you cannot give water. Coach Brian Parana (20:25.259) You can't give energy. So you need a tap to be able to fill up. And taking care of yourself through exercise, better food choices, managing stress and time in your day is vitally important, so that when you get home from your job, your career, your profession, your business, you can be there for your family and turn on another gear that they need you to show up. They need you to be a leader, to show and lead through how to look good, feel good, and Coach Brian Parana (20:54.839) just be yourself, because that's who you are in their life. You're their father, and they need this guidance, this wisdom, this connection for them to have better relationships in the future. And that's so, so, so important. And so those are things to think about — is like how you do one thing is how you do everything. It's a big — do it right the first time, do it right once. Coach Brian Parana (21:24.309) That's another common thing and another parenting strategy, and steal this one, but it's: you choose your actions, not your consequences, right? Is that if you are choosing to do this, then the reactions to it could be positive and different, or negative, based on your choice. Like say speeding. You could get away from it or you could get a hefty fine that costs a lot of time, energy, and money. Coach Brian Parana (21:51.210) And these are some things that I want to share to my kids. And having my best energy and best foot forward with those intentions allows me to do that. And I want my kids to have that healthy — my dad was healthy, fit, he took care of himself, and by that, he took care of me. Now my legacy and the vision for myself is I want to be a grandfather that participates, that shows up, that has energy, resources to be able to provide for them. Coach Brian Parana (22:20.177) A simple idea in my mind is I want to have a giant room full of my whole family and eating at the same dinner table, to be able to just feel accomplished that I was able to help perpetuate this, especially with my wife. She does the crux of the work. If you're in a loving relationship, you understand Coach Brian Parana (22:45.121) the gives and the takes and all that stuff. It's super important in raising children to be their best selves. But long term it's like, hey, I'm paying for this. I'm fostering and creating this experience that they can come into my world, or this table, to share and experience really cool things. Because that's what life is about, is creating an opportunity, creating your purpose and fulfilling on that in those areas that are important to you and important to those around you. Coach Brian Parana (23:14.443) Now, the undertone of this as we start to wrap here is that's some of the big reasons why the Call to Rise exists in the first place. Men are showing up in certain areas, but because they aren't taking care of their health, that's costing them. So areas like I have plenty of money or I have good relationships. If you do, great. That's wonderful. That's super helpful. But if you listen to episode 133 with Jeremie Bacon, we talked about four buckets. We have family. Coach Brian Parana (23:43.266) We had civics, we had work, and we had self. And if you're not paying attention to self and your health, then all those other areas will suffer and you will feel consequences. And that's what I have built the Call to Rise to do. It's more than meal plans, more than macros, more than even weight loss. It's about becoming the leader that you need to be in your life. Coach Brian Parana (24:5.343) so that you can show up. And the five pillars are: the Call — your identity, who you are as a person, as a man, and how you see yourself in the mirror every beginning of the day, and the confidence you have in yourself translates into all the amazing opportunities that you can do. The Fuel. The fuel is nutrition, eating the right foods at the right times in the right amount. So you have energy, and then you're eating an appropriate amount to fuel the body, the look, the feel that you want. Coach Brian Parana (24:34.325) The Forge, the exercise piece, so that you are strong, physically capable of what it is that you want to accomplish. We've got the Code — the mindset, the perception, the way that you think has to be different. If you are thinking from the current state of where you are at versus where you would be if you are in that empowered body with the energy, the look, the feel that you want, it's a dramatic difference. It's light years apart from one another. Coach Brian Parana (25:2.803) And that is a huge missed opportunity if you're not in full alignment. And then the Brotherhood, which is a group of men that are centered around being driven, performing, taking care of the things that need, but also finally figuring out what the health aspect is. The I know what to do, but I'm not doing it. Well, this is an implementation program. We act, we do, we make things happen. Coach Brian Parana (25:32.306) and create change. And all throughout the episodes — even the most recent one that got published today, as I speak, was Jamie. He lost 38 pounds in 100 days, but he is a better role model for his 13-year-old son. We've got Chris at episode 117. He travels for a living, but he still was able to lose over 20 pounds in 100 days. And now he's in the Vanguard, which is a continuation program of it, and Coach Brian Parana (26:2.333) he's able to show up for his kids. Mike, after he got done with 100 days, he walked his daughter down the aisle to get married. Seventeen pounds down, twelve percent body fat less. This guy looked sharp in a suit. He didn't just have this round belly thing poking out. He looked sharp, fit, and strong because he was basically at his goal body weight by the time we were done. Andy lost 38 pounds at episode 53. Coach Brian Parana (26:29.121) He shows up for his teenage kids that are eleven and thirteen to go work out with them and facilitate being an active lifestyle. And that's what your kids need. They need you to be there, to play, to engage with them. So sharing that is — if any of this resonates, you know, you share this with someone that they need to hear about stepping up as being a leader, a man in their world. I would implore you to do that. And if I could Coach Brian Parana (26:58.303) leave you with any wisdom or advice on this, is you just have to keep showing up. You just have to keep doing your best. You're gonna fail. It's part of life. But if you learn from that and you evolve and you get better and better, then the fruits of thy labor will show in terms of the quality of your relationships and the impact of you as a person in the sphere of influence that you have. I hope that this was helpful. Coach Brian Parana (27:25.271) And I want to end on that, is that that's what I am here to do. And I will continue to drive for it. And it's like even what the podcast name, Driven for Health. I'm driven, drive, go, go, go, motivate, discipline, like all these things — but a driven, active participant in your life, and a healthy life that is. And if any of this resonates, or anything that has resonated in the past, and you want to be the leader that you need to be, then check out thecalltorise Coach Brian Parana (27:54.263) dot com for the hundred day program, and let's step up the level of your game with your health, your body, your nutrition, fitness, and lifestyle. I appreciate you for listening in and I hope that you enjoyed this stuff. I get questions, I get emails, I'm getting reviews and different things and I engage with all that. So I really appreciate my audience listening in and I'd love to get to know you more. So reach out, share, connect, and I hope today's story about my Coach Brian Parana (28:22.977) connection with my father, it was impactful for you. Thank you. Off to the next one. And I think I preemptively said in the last one that I was going to get to the what to order series. It is coming, I promise. I think I wanted to start it on a whole number, because in the future when I reference it back like, it's on episode one forty five or episode one fifty, it's like a whole number, not just a random number. So I've been filling in all these other ones with different things of stories or connections or relationships I'm Coach Brian Parana (28:51.607) connecting with other guys and stuff. So you're hearing that. But that is coming. What to order at this restaurant series is coming, and there's gonna be a lot of them. They're gonna be like hopefully fifteen or twenty minutes. As you know, I like to talk. So off we go. Over and out. I appreciate you. Thanks so much.